


Bad Habit/Into the Black

by quicksilversass



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Drama & Romance, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hydra (Marvel), Romance, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-28
Updated: 2018-03-10
Packaged: 2019-03-25 06:52:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13828839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksilversass/pseuds/quicksilversass
Summary: "All those people...there's nothing left is there? You're gone?"“Open your eyes,” Pietro grabs your hair jerking your head forwards, forcing you to look at him, “I want to see you.”





	1. Bad Habit

Last night’s dreams fading away, your eyes slowly opened to bright sunlight and the soft snores of the man lying beside you. Your heart skipped a beat when you felt his strong arms holding you tightly, his chest pressed against your back; almost like he couldn’t let you go.  

For a few moments, you let yourself imagine you were an actual couple lying in each other's arms. These mornings were the only time you saw him so relaxed, so calm. Even now you could feel the small vibrations on his skin as you ran your fingers lightly over his forearm.

Pietro stirred a little, pushing closer into you his erection digging into the small of your back. Instinctively you pushed back against him, rubbing softly. He moaned your name and you felt yourself getting worked up all over again.

Sliding your hand between your bodies, you began running your fingers over him lightly up and down teasing him. He pulled you closer resting his head on your shoulder, his hot breathy moans against your neck turning you on and making your skin tingle.

While you increased the pressure with your fingers, you moved your body over him and started to kiss his neck, pushing him onto his back gently.

What was it going to take to wake him up? A lustful smile on your lips you worked your way down his chest, nipping him and leaving marks. Still he didn’t wake.

You stopped as you reached his navel, moving your hands to stroke his thighs and kiss his stomach, running your tongue over his v line. Paying attention everywhere except where he wanted you.  

Pietro’s hips lifted off the bed impatiently trying to find contact, his hands squeezing the sheets. You knew he was pretending now.  

Sitting back, you stopped touching him completely, your hands drifting to your breasts and lower as you watched him, loving the effect you were having on him.  

Waiting until the last second before he opened his eyes, you reached forward taking him in your mouth making him grunt in surprise and grab your hair.  

“Fuck y/n.”

“Good morning.” You breathed out before taking as much of him in your mouth as you could, running your tongue up and down his length, your hands working on the rest.

Pietro’s hips moved faster his head back in pleasure as he arched his back, thrusting into your mouth. Words you couldn’t understand left his lips between moans, turning you on even more, the wetness between your legs dripping down your inner thigh.

This wasn’t you. Before you met you were usually so quiet and reserved, nothing like this person he had turned you into. You wanted him all the time, constantly craving his touch.    

It was your own fault really, when it came to Pietro you couldn’t help yourself. You were completely in love with him.  

Pietro still didn’t open his eyes, lost in the pleasure you were giving him. For you, watching him almost undone was unbearable, you needed him inside you. You stopped what you were doing again and he writhed on the bed reaching for you.

“Y/n? Don’t stop.”

“Open your eyes Pietro.”

You wanted him to see you,  _really_  see you. Somehow read your mind and see all the love you kept inside. For him to feel as overwhelmed by every touch, every look.  

You straddled him and ran your hands along his biceps stopping to lean over and kiss his scars. The action always drove him crazy and he pulled you up the rest of the way his lips crashing onto yours in a sloppy kiss.  

“What have you done to me?” Pietro whispered and for a second you thought you saw what you were looking for in his eyes, but it never lasted. They clouded over with lust, just as they always did.  

He grabbed your hair, pulling your head to the side exposing your neck to him and he kissed it roughly. His other hand kneading your breast as you ground yourself onto him, moaning.

“You like that? You want me amor?”

Pietro kissed his way down to your other breast biting down on your nipple and you moaned even louder.

“Pietro, please…”

You held onto him in anticipation as his fingers caressed your ass, slowly trailing around until he finally stroked you, teasing you this time. Hardly using any pressure as he stroked your folds, his thumb tracing achingly slow circles on your clit.

You wriggled out of his grasp before his fingers could enter you and Pietro smirked at your impatient actions, but you were too far gone, too desperate to have him inside you.

“So impatient sweet-“  

You cut him off grabbing his cock with a smirk of your own. Positioning yourself over him you lower yourself down onto him slowly, savoring the feel of him finally filling you. This you would make the most of.  

“Fuck Pietro…”  

Pietro’s eyes never leave you as he watches you, his hands drifting up your sides and to your breasts as you begin slowly sliding up almost to the tip and back down onto him, over and over.  

It was too slow for Pietro. His hands gripped your hips, pulling you into him deeper as he thrust upwards. You leaned back resting your hands on his thighs, the sounds of both your moans and the feeling of him moving inside you almost too much.    

“So fucking tight, you feel so good.” Pietro moaned, he was getting close. His thrusts were getting sloppy and he was losing control, the vibrations getting stronger as he struggled to control his speed. It only added to your pleasure though. You felt them to your core adding to the already building fire.

Pietro grabbed you by the hips, turning you over so you were lying on your back looking up at him breathlessly. He spread your legs running his hand along your thighs and hooking them under your knees pulling them up around his waist.

Your hips lifted off the mattress to meet him as he leaned over you, his hands moving to grip your ass pulling you as close as he could. He kisses you hungrily, claiming your mouth and rubs himself along your wet slit a few times, thrusting into you roughly with a growl.  

You run your tongue along his bottom lip, biting it and raking your nails down his back making him growl again and he pounds into you, deeper and harder. Both of you getting close, his fingers rub your clit, vibrating them. His mouth finds yours again stifling your moans.

“Come for me, y/n.”  

Just hearing those words sent you over the edge. You cried out, clinging onto him almost screaming his name as he bucked into you, trying to draw out every last bit of pleasure he could give you before reaching his own high.

“Say it,” he demanded, “spune că eşti a mea.”

“I’m yours Pietro.” You managed to whisper still caught up in the sensation of your orgasm, a new wave of pleasure filling you as Pietro came with a delicious moan.

His body was shaking and his breathing heavy as you stroked his back, calming the vibrations as he lay on top of you peppering your face with kisses. Your own breathing out of control as you both finally slowed down.  

You wrapped yourself around him your head resting on his chest listening to his still rapid heartbeat while he played with your hair his fingers drawing circles on your back.

Pietro always needed to hear those words. The first few times you thought they meant something. You lay still a while just trying not to think about what was going to happen.  

He peeled your arms and legs off him and you groaned, louder than you meant to.  

“Just a little longer.” You pleaded.

Chuckling he kissed the top of your head before giving you a squeeze and making his way to the bathroom. You bit your lip at the sight of his toned body and he turned to give you a smug look.

“Like what you see printessa?”

“Maybe.” You whispered and rolled your eyes.  

“I do.”  His eyes roam over your body, biting his lip when they land on your breasts, you have to turn away blushing under his gaze.

Warm hands squeeze your breasts and you squeal in surprise, Pietro already back at the bathroom door, pretending to look innocent.

“Mmm boobies.”  

You giggled, about to retort when your stomach grumbled and you glared at Pietro laughing at you, “Looks like I gave you quite an appetite?”

“What do you fancy-?”  

Pietro poked his head around the door with a mischievous smile, “Round three?” 

“I meant for breakfast.”  

“So did I,” He winked and disappeared into the bathroom, “I can still make you blush.”  

You were at your lowest when Bucky and Steve had brought you to the tower and into their protection. You should have been a lost cause at that point and it still baffled you how they saw so much potential in you. It was a while before you met the other avengers, you spent weeks preparing and training with Bucky and Steve.

Pietro made an instant impression on you. The way he kissed your hand when you met, the little things he did for you, his constant flirting and attempts at making you smile; they all wore you down. In those first few weeks your face was almost a permanent red.

Against all your instincts you let him in, let yourself start to fall for him.  

Your first mission ended badly your powers still unpredictable and although the objective was reached, it left you feeling like a failure, convinced you didn’t belong. Usually you would go to Bucky or Steve for advice, this time Pietro had found you moping.  

You watched movies, listened to music, laughed and talked for hours, finally kissing and him speeding you away to his room.

It was amazing and you thought you had something, that he felt the same, until you saw him all over a busty office girl the next day not even acknowledging you. God you felt so stupid.  

Looking back you were so naive, how did you not realize you were just another conquest?

You avoided him as much as you could, focusing on training, but you couldn’t get him off your mind. That was always your trouble.

A few weeks later you found yourself drunk at another useless Stark party. Pissed off and alone, he pulled you in again and one thing led to another, you didn’t even make it back to the tower. That night was the start of everything, you took every opportunity to be together, anywhere you could - even on missions.  

He was always kind, always up front that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. So you ignored that niggling voice inside your head telling you that you deserved better, that he would hurt you. You told yourself it was ok every time he walked away. Every time you saw him with another girl. He had to fall for you eventually right?  

_Wrong, so fucking wrong._

Lying there naked in his bed – again, you listened to the shower the smell of sex still lingering all over you and burst into tears.  

_This had to stop._

You pick up your clothes from where they were discarded the night before and shrug on your underwear and t-shirt.  You head for the door, freezing when Pietro starts singing from inside the shower.  

You wanted to join him, so badly. You literally ached for him yet your hand still closed over the handle, gently pulling door open.  

Quietly you run along the corridors to your room. You threw the dirty clothes into the basket and jumped into the shower, letting the hot water wash his scent from your skin.  

Sitting on the edge of the bed, your still wet hair dripped onto you, joining the tears from your eyes. You gripped the bed to stop your hands shaking, hardly able to breathe as you typed the message you had put off sending for months. 

You were filled with guilt, you should be telling him this to his face not over a text, but it was the only way. One kiss, one smile would be all it took. Taking a deep breath you finally pressed send watching the little spinning circle, there was no going back now.

Cursing you threw the phone away and watched it clatter on to the floor. You buried yourself in the warm covers in a vain attempt at staving off the overwhelming sadness, guilt and dread building inside you.  

_“I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.”_


	2. Get it Together

By the time evening came your stomach was grumbling and your head was pounding. You were seriously contemplating staying in your room forever rather than have to face Pietro. Sighing you pull off the covers and pick up your phone, still where you discarded it hours earlier. 

The brightness hurt your eyes, nearly as much as the blank, message-less screen glaring back at you. Tears stung your already sore eyes and you scrubbed at them willing them away. You knew this would happen, it was what you expected, yet it didn’t dampen the hurt any less. 

Caught up in your thoughts you didn’t notice Steve quietly open the door and stand in the doorway.

“Hey kid.” 

“Didn’t they used to knock in the forties?” You joke and attempt to make yourself look more presentable, grabbing a wipe for your eyes and smoothing down your hair. You could tell he was smirking behind you as he stepped inside. 

“I remember broads used to clean their rooms…” Steve retorted with a smile picking up a stray bra and raising his eyebrows. You snatched it from him blushing and stuffed it in a drawer.

“How are you doing? no one’s seen you all day.” He asks you hesitantly.

You shrugged, “I wasn’t feeling well.” 

Steve sat down on the bed beside you and took hold of your chin, his fingers soft as he moved your face around to look at him. He glanced over your red swollen eyes and sighed to himself.

“Is it Pietro?” 

Your eyes widened, feeling as guilty as you must have looked. No one was supposed to know.

“I - why would it be?” You whispered and turned away from him, fiddling with the drawstring of your hoodie, trying to stop your hands from shaking.

“I know you’re sleeping together, y/n.” He put his hand over your shaking ones and you bit your lip.

“Not anymore,” your cheeks grew redder while you stammered an answer, “who else knows?”

He frowned and ran his hands through his hair, “Everyone knows. It’s pretty damn obvious y/n. We just didn’t want to interfere.” 

You groaned and put your head in your hands. It was even worse than you thought, they were all probably laughing at you and for a lot longer than you realized. 

You felt Steve’s hand on your shoulder and you peaked at him through your fingers, watching the worry spreading across his features.

“That’s all it was? just sleeping together?” 

“That’s all it was.” You answered sadly.

“Then why have you been holed up in here all day crying?” his voice was soft, not wanting to upset you any more.

“Because I’m a fucking idiot, Steve. I knew what I was getting myself into and I still let it happen.”

“You love him.”

It was more of a statement than a question and you simply nodded. There was no point denying it to Steve he knew you too well.

“It was just supposed to be fun, no ‘feelings’.” You said with a sarcastic smile, meeting his knowing eyes.

“Isn’t that the problem? You always had feelings for him, I knew that first day.” 

Giving up holding them back you felt the tears start falling again and he pulled you into a hug, large hands wrapping around your waist, you felt so safe.

“Want me to rough him up a little?” 

Bucky leaned against the door frame and you smiled up at him. Reluctantly leaving Steve’s embrace you shake your head, wiping the tears from your eyes.

“How ‘bout we go grab something to eat?” Steve suggested standing up and pulling you with him.

“And beer?” You whispered, they both glanced at you with raised eyebrows.

Steve crossed his arms, “I’m not sure alcohol’s a good idea.” 

“Oh come on grandpa, alcohol is ‘the cause of - and solution to - all of life’s problems’ - as a great man once said.”  Bucky grinned, impressed with his own reference.

You shared a look with Steve before bursting out in laughter, Bucky loved the Simpsons way too much.

“Hey, jerk, I’m the dad, you’re the grandpa.” Steve protested earning a slap on the shoulder from Bucky.

“Whatever you say punk.”

Bucky winked at you as he pushed Steve out the door, you following close behind them. 

An hour later the three of you were sat in Steve’s favourite Brooklyn bar, stomachs full and sipping your second beer. You watched with a smile as they bickered in an attempt to make you laugh. You loved them for trying, you wouldn’t blame them if they just left you to wallow. They would never know how much you appreciated them. 

“More beers?!”  Bucky exclaimed and practically shoved Steve out of the booth, shooing him in the direction of the bar. 

“I guess it’s my round huh?” Steve grumbled, walking to the bar through the crowd.

“How are you really doing?” Bucky asked scooting closer to you. 

You took a large drink of beer, avoiding his question. He nudged you and smirked, expecting an answer. You rolled your eyes at him, but smiled anyway.

Bucky leaned in closer to you, “You know he doesn’t deserve you right? He’s an asshole.” 

“Yeah, I’m such a prize.” you scoffed having to nearly shout over the music and chatter it had gotten much louder as the bar filled up with people. 

“Don’t do that.” Bucky shook his head and took a swig of his beer, he hated it when you put yourself down. 

“He didn’t promise me anything-” 

“He didn’t have to string you along.” Bucky cut you off, it was no secret how he felt about Pietro’s reputation. He frowns and turns his beer bottle over in his hands, obviously wanting to say more. 

“It’s not like I told him how I really felt, Buck.” You sit back against the bench, willing him to let it go and watching the people in the crowd, silence falling over you both. 

After a few moments he sat back with you, leaning against your shoulder and linking your arm. You glance over at him, a smirk playing on his lips as he pushes against you a little more, nudging you until he was nearly pushing you over, making you giggle. He just gives you an innocent smile and you thump him playfully. 

“I should have said something, I knew you were unhappy. It was-”

“Let me guess, obvious? Well not to him.” 

“Like I said, he’s an asshole, c’mere.” Bucky practically yanked you into his arms and into a bear hug.  

“Can’t breathe!” you feigned alarm and smiled into his neck closing your eyes for a moment.

As you let your eyes drift open your gaze landed on a familiar figure struggling to get through the crowd, his silver hair standing out under the hazy lights. Your heart stopped for a second as your eyes locked on each other. 

Surprise turned to sadness then anger in his eyes when he saw you hugging Bucky. Had he come here for you? You bit your lip, willing him to come over, to say everything was ok. 

Pietro broke your gaze first and you noticed the girl move around him, snaking her arm around his and leading him to the bar. Are you kidding me? It’s not even been one day, did you really mean that little to him?

You pulled away from Bucky a little too quickly, he followed your line of sight and his eyes darkened. 

”I, I just, I’ll be back in a minute, restroom.”  You stuttered nearly jumping out of the booth and down the stairs, hoping he would understand and not be offended.

You can barely breathe as you step inside, not even bothering to lock the door. You run your hands through your hair and glare at yourself in the mirror. All bloodshot eyes, dark circles and pallid skin, you were a fucking mess. 

Get it together for fucks sake, you wanted this, you broke things off with him.

“Someone’s in here…”  You mutter as you hear the door being opened. 

Cursing under your breath you walk over to lock it. The door slammed shut and someone twisted you around pushing you against it before your hand even touched the lock. Your head flew back, banging on the hard wood.

“Shit.” 

Wincing, you felt hands planted either side of you and a warm body pressed into yours making it hard to breathe. As your eyes focused they met his through strands of messy hair, his pupils blown.

“Pietro… ” You tried to appear defiant, resisting the urge to arch into him his anger strangely arousing.

You press your palms to his firm chest, his rapid heartbeat under your fingers. He stares down at them a second, watching you push as hard as you can, pushing him away.

“You need to leave.”

Pietro steps back, hurt joining the anger flaming in his eyes. You try to catch your breath, moving towards the sinks needing something to hang on to.

Before you can Pietro slams you into the sink, your palms flat on the cold ceramic surface. His fingers dig into your hips keeping you still and he kisses your neck roughly, nipping the skin. You push back against him only half trying to get away and meet his eyes in the mirror, they’re screaming ‘I want you to fuck me’. 

Pietro’s soft fingers trail up your side, squeezing your breast, his other hand rubbing you through your jeans, the amount of pressure and feel of the material against your skin almost painful.

“Stop…Pietro…” you held in a moan your body giving in to him.

“No.“ 

Spreading your legs wider with his knee, he forced you closer to the sink with his hips, pushing his erection into you. He moaned and an involuntary gasp left you. He was never usually so rough with you and it was doing all kinds of things to your insides.

You tried to get out of his grip, you needed to clear your mind that was screaming at you while your body just said god yes. 

Pietro yanked the top out of your jeans the heat of his fingers searing your skin. His hand hovered there running his fingers just under the waistband. when he went to unhook the button you grabbed his hand pulling it away and twisting out of his grip, turning to face him.

“I said you need to leave, please Pietro…”

He couldn’t play with you like this anymore. You wanted him so badly but if you gave in again you would never break this cycle, never break away from this pain. Brushing past him he turns with you and holds your arm.

“That’s all you have to say to me?” he demands angrily and you put your hand over his, gently moving it away. 

What could you say? Never in a million years could you tell him the truth.

“Pietro, I…” 

In a second you were back against the counter, a bruising kiss against your lips while he hooks your legs around his waist, fingers digging into your ass pulling you into him, the feel of him hard against your core forcing a moan from you. You clung onto his neck as he rolled his hips needing you to feel how much he wanted you.

It takes all your strength to break the kiss and the frustration in his face kills you. You slowly move away, your legs slipping from his waist and off the counter, your hands returning to your sides. His face flushes and his hands ball into fists as he steps back from you in defeat. You try to put a comforting hand on his and he flinches away.

“A text? You just leave and end us with a fucking text?” 

“It was the only way I…” you trailed off, averting his seething glare and wrapping your arms around yourself. He wasn’t supposed to react like this. You were one of many why didn’t he just shrug and move on? Why did he seem so hurt?

Pietro’s expression softens and he holds your arms, resting his head in the crook of your neck. 

“I thought we had something? We were having fun, yes?” He whispers against your skin, making you shiver. 

“We were…it’s just not enough for me anymore.” You blurted out and he just seemed more confused, absentmindedly trailing his fingers up and down your arms. You felt sadness and guilt bubble up inside you again and held in a breath trying to keep the tears at bay.

I love you.

Pietro turned you around to face him, cupping your face with his hands, “But I don’t understand, why now?” there was a gleam of sadness in his eyes and you wished it away. 

Because I love you.

”I know I’m not the only one Pietro, that’s ok I don’t expect anything from you.” 

“You have no idea printessa.” He mumbled with a bitter smile, rubbing the back of his neck.

“I only sent you that text this morning and you’re already here with someone else, that gives me a pretty good idea.” All your emotions rolled out into spiteful words and your breath hitched losing the fight to keep everything inside.

“She’s nothing.” He snapped, his tone dismissive.

“Neither am I.” You give him a wistful smile and he’s about to argue when he stops, brushing a tear from your cheek. You hadn’t even noticed it fall. 

“Printessa?” 

“Don’t call me that.” You whispered breaking out of his hold again. This time you headed for the door.

“Do I not get a say in this?” 

You froze, but you didn’t answer, didn’t look back, just opened the door. Seconds later a wave of blue rushed by and you watched it fade into the crowd.

What have I done?

You stand in the hallway just trying to breathe. Still turned on, angry and upset all at once. Ignoring the stares of passers by you eventually composed yourself enough to return to Bucky and Steve. 

“You ok doll?”

You nod, all the while your heart constricting. 

You try not to look, gulp your beer down and pretend you don’t care, but as Pietro stands behind the girl resting his head in the crook of her neck, one arm on her waist the other trailing up and down her arm; just as he did with you, it was too much to bear.

Pietro glanced in your direction and smirked when he saw you, twisting the girl around and capturing her lips in a passionate kiss, his blue eyes watching for your reaction. 

Your heart starts racing, burning with jealousy, yet you can’t look away. 

”Did he hassle you?”  Bucky asked, breaking your concentration. 

You have no idea.

You feel Bucky’s hand on yours and stare down at it blankly, all you wanted to do was run. 

Bucky glances in Pietro’s direction, his gaze fixed into an angry stare, jaw set and ready to pounce. You squeeze his hand and his expression softened when he turned back to you. 

“Ignore him.” You whispered more to yourself than Bucky. 

Steve wanders up the steps dodging the crowds and stands between you both and Pietro, dropping six beers down on the table with a smile.

“Sorry I took so long, you’d think Captain America would get served…”  

His smile faded when he noticed the change of mood. He turned to see what you were both staring at, just as Pietro grabbed the girls’ ass, his hands wandering all over her body. 

“Son of a bitch.”

That was enough for you. You started to stand, grabbing for your purse and smiling at them apologetically.

“Thank you for tonight, guys.” 

Bucky got up to try and stop you leaving, but there was no way in hell you were hanging around to watch Pietro practically fucking someone else on the dance floor.

“Y/n wait!”  Bucky shouted over the music. 

You pretended not to hear him, walking quickly through the crowd. Nothing was going to stop you from getting out of there. 

Keep your head down, don’t let him see you cry. 

You felt Pietro’s eyes on you and rushed past him, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. Yanking the heavy doors open the cold breeze soothed your burning skin. Resisting the urge to go back and slap his smug, handsome face, you started walking. Not caring where as long as it was far away from him.


	3. Broken

The chill of the night began to creep through your anger and you found yourself walking towards the museum, ironically, the place you first realized you loved Pietro. It was the opening night of the museum’s Avengers exhibit, Pietro of course was bored, playing pranks on you and the rest of the team, stealing hugs and kisses from you when no one noticed. 

After the speeches and interviews, you both wandered the third floor hand in hand, him rolling his eyes when you wanted to stop and read every bit of information and admire almost every painting. He pulled you into a hug and just held you a moment, it felt so right and you knew this was where you wanted to be, you wanted to be his forever.

Defeated you drop down onto the stone steps and close your eyes to the outside world, all your frustration and sadness coming to the surface, sobs wracking your tired body. 

Raindrops splashed onto your hands and bounced off the stone and you chuckled as the heavens opened, the water drenching your hair and soaking through your clothes. Well fuck you too. 

Wiping the water out of your eyes you take out your phone to call a cab, scrolling through there were numerous calls and texts from Steve. You’d left it on vibrate and not even thought to look. The last thing you wanted was for him to worry. After quickly calling a cab you sent him a text, he wasn’t going to be happy with you. 

Tiptoeing up the stairs to the common room you instantly knew the atmosphere wasn’t the usual jovial one. Steve was pacing the room and the others were gathered on the sofa speaking in hushed whispers. You also noticed Bucky and Pietro weren’t there and that set you on edge even more.

You took a deep breath and pulled open the heavy glass doors, all eyes were on you and you shrank away from Steve as he approached. 

“Y/n?! - what the hell were you thinking? Anything could have happened to you,” his features softened slightly when he saw you still soaking wet and shivering, “don’t ever do that again.” 

Steve wrapped a towel around your shoulders and sat you down on the sofa before walking over to the kitchen to make you a hot drink. You smiled a thank you and pulled the towel tighter around your body trying to disappear, you must have looked pathetic. 

“Yeah y/n you missed all the fun.” Clint whispered sarcastically after a few moments of silence. Everyone else seemed to get the joke, awkwardly glancing between themselves. 

“What fun? What happened?”  You asked, your stomach churning.

Curious for an answer you glanced around, each avenger avoiding your eyes until they landed on Tony. With an exasperated sigh he gulped down the last dregs of his whiskey and stood up to leave, passing by you and rolling his eyes at Steve’s warning glare.

“Old metal arm taught your fuck buddy a lesson in honour is what happened…” Tony chuckled and pretended to be surprised when Steve and the others showed their obvious disgust at his choice of words.

“What?! They are, he did?” he shrugged and left with a half hearted, “sorry?’ directed at you. 

“Geez, thanks for that Tony.” Clint groaned and gave you a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, grabbing his gear and leaving just as quickly as Tony. 

You looked to Steve for an explanation, waiting until the last Avenger slipped away to speak. 

“Steve?” 

Steve was uncharacteristically nervous, almost shifty. It didn’t ease your worry when he finally sat down and handed you a hot cup of coffee, unable to meet your eyes.

“What did he do?” You pressed, not wanting to sound too desperate. You took a sip and held the cup in both hands, the warmth your only comfort.

“After you left he tried to have a word with Pietro, it didn’t go so well,” he paused, unsure whether to continue, “he said some things about you and Buck lost it, they fought but it was pretty one sided.” 

“What kind of things?”  

“You don’t want to know,” Steve said in a warning tone, he knew you’d want to find out and he knew it would hurt you too much to hear, “I think he wanted to get a rise out of Buck, you know protective he is.” 

“Are they hurt?” You asked, hoping it was just a stupid argument, Pietro’s arrogance rubbing Bucky the wrong way…Steve’s eyes told you otherwise.

“Well he kinda broke Pietro’s nose,” he forced out and you groaned, “Bruce patched them up.” He offered with a small smile. 

“That’s ok then. Fuck’s sake Bucky. Why didn’t you both just come home?” You were so frustrated at them both you practically yelled at Steve. 

“He was just trying to do right by you.” He said calmly and immediately you felt bad, it wasn’t Steve’s fault. It was yours.

“I know,” you sighed, “but he’s just made things a million times worse.” Steve wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you to him.

Steve asked you to let things calm down but you wanted to know what the hell Bucky was thinking letting Pietro get to him like that. You were so pissed at him you found yourself knocking on his door, opening it when you got no answer.

“Bucky?” He was sat on the edge of the bed his bare back you, he didn’t look up.

“You broke Pietro’s nose?! What got into you?” He wrung his hands and you noticed scrapes on his knuckles.

“I’m not sorry y/n. He had no place talking about you like that.” 

You sat beside him and tucked his unruly hair behind his ear, it was damp with sweat. His demeanor was nothing like the man you’d left a few hours ago, he was so agitated and angry. You hated that Pietro had brought this out in him. It was months since his rehabilitation was officially signed off and you didn’t want Fury to put him through that again, not over this, over you.

“It was stupid. What if they kick you off the team? He’s not worth it.” 

“But you are y/n,” he growled his voice thick with anger and you gripped the edge of the bed nervously. He noticed and his jaw clenched, “why don’t you get it? You’re worth so much more than just being his goddamn whore?!”

Bucky’s eyes went wide in mild panic when his words sunk in, his anger evaporating as yours coursed through your veins.

“Listen, y/n, I didn’t mean…”

“Are those your words or his?” You snapped back, not really needing him to speak an answer.

“Y/n I’m sorry…” Bucky’s guilty eyes bore into yours pleading forgiveness and he cautiously takes hold of your hands. 

You knew. Exactly what Pietro thought of you and the man you admired most in the world thought of you and you crumpled inside. 

Worthless whore. Was all you could think and you snapped your hands away from Bucky, running away for the second time that night.

An hour you paced your room, Bucky’s words running around in your head and driving you insane. You had to know, had to hear it from his lips; just to make it even more painful for yourself. 

You walked slowly down the hallway to Pietro’s room like you had done so many times before, remembering when he would speed over to you and grab you with a kiss and a cheeky grin. This time there was only an unwelcoming darkness.

Pietro leaned against the headboard focused on his laptop, music blaring through his headphones. It took him a moment to notice you were there and he scowled and ripped them out when he saw you. You half expected him to jump up and throw you out. 

Even in the half light Pietro looked terrible. He was much worse off than Bucky, his lips were swollen and bruised, the skin around his right eye a dark purple. Bandages covered his nose and a large bruise stretched from his bicep and across most of his torso. It took all you had not to run over to him, did he just stand there and let himself get beaten up? 

“Where’s your guard dog?” He scoffed and attempted to laugh, the effort causing him to wheeze instead.

“Shit Pietro,” his attention went back to the laptop when you spoke, his features creased in anger. He wasn’t concentrating on the screen he was holding himself back, “Bucky, he went too far…”

“Now you want to talk to me?” He snarled and threw the laptop across the room with such force it hit the wall and smashed to bits, the pieces falling to the floor. You watched them fall, frozen in shock, his heavy breathing the only sound as his eyes met yours.

“I think you should leave, y/n.” There was such venom In his voice as Pietro threw your earlier words back at you, his eyes dark with a hate you never thought you’d see directed at you.

“I just wanted to make sure you were ok,” you whispered, flinching away from him, “and I need to know, those things you said to Bucky, did you mean them?”

“Does it matter?” Pietro’s eyes fall away from yours to the floor and he buries his head in hands.

“It does to me,” your voice wavered, his indifference infuriating, “you hurt me and you enjoyed it, did your little display get the reaction you wanted?” 

Pietro was in front of you then, holding your arms tightly, his furious eyes glaring down at you, “And you didn’t hurt me?!” 

“You called me a fucking whore Pietro!” Your voice broke and you shrugged out of his grip, watching his face fall with guilt and shame, “is that all I am to you?“ 

Backing away from him you put your hand up to stop him approaching you again.

“Don’t answer that.“ 

The knot in your stomach grew tighter, you had to end the argument before things went too far. You step out into the hallway only to be pulled back into Pietro’s arms, the door slamming beside you. 

“Stay, please.”

He traces your cheek, then your lips with his thumb and tilts your chin, capturing your lips before you can reply. It’s filled with passion and desperation and you find yourself kissing him back just as hungrily, your arms wrapping around his neck pulling him closer. 

You feel him already hard and run your hands through his hair, tugging it gently. You knew what it did to him and where it would lead, yet at that moment all thoughts of resisting him washed away. Pietro groaned and opened his eyes, they were dark again not just with anger.

Pietro runs his tongue along your lip and he bites down on it, watching you moan as he grabs your legs wrapping them around his waist and holding you tightly to him. He tries to keep you there, but winces in pain when he starts to carry you over to the bed. 

“Pietro, you’re hurt.” You pull away, beginning to come to your senses and help keep him steady while the pain subsides.

“I don’t care.” 

Pietro walks you over to his bed, his lips never leaving yours until he twists you around, throwing you onto the bed face down. Hearing him take off his pants and climb onto the bed behind you, you bite your lip, making a feeble attempt at moving away. His firm grip holds you still while he removes your top and drags down your jeans and underwear, his fingers scraping your skin.

Holding your ankles he spreads your legs, opening you up to him. You squirm and moan as he plants rough kisses along your calf and up to your thighs.

Reaching your inner thigh he nips your skin between kisses, biting harder so you squeal then moves lower his tongue teasing you while his palm rubs the length of your slit back and forth. The action gave only slight friction to your clit and with each stroke you grind against his hand your hips lifting further off the bed. 

Without warning he slides two fingers inside you curving just enough to brush against your g spot as he pumps them in and out of you. You were gone then, any thoughts of pushing him away left you as the intense feeling of pleasure took over your body. 

His other hand sweeps along the curve of your back, sloppy kisses following behind it, his breathing heavy and hot against your skin while he listens to your moans and whimpers. Pietro loved the control he had over your body, how he could so easily make you come undone.

You whine when Pietro removes his fingers, craving the sensation, you can’t dwell on it long though, he pinches your nipple between his fingers and rubs lazy circles on your clit. 

“Fuck, I want you so much, y/n.” Pietro moans into your neck and pushes you down onto all fours. 

Gripping your shoulder and hips he drove into you and you groan with a mixture of pain and pleasure. Not giving you time to adjust, he bucked into you setting a hard pace, using his hold on you to go as deep as he could. 

You try to meet his thrusts, grinding your hips and glance over your shoulder at him. You can’t help but use one hand to stroke yourself while you watch him, his eyes closed, face flushed and head tilted back in pleasure, you would never get over how you could make him feel like this.

Grabbing a fistful of your hair Pietro pulls you back up against him, your head resting on his shoulder and his chest against your back. His fingers close around your neck with just enough pressure to make you moan as he continued pounding into you, long deep thrusts that completely filled you. 

“I need you, why isn’t it enough?”

He bit down on your shoulder, whispering familiar words in Sokovian. You were past listening your intense orgasm pulsing through your body. Pietro clung onto you not breaking his pace as you writhed against him, his hands squeezing you tighter. 

The constant pressure quickly sent you into another orgasm and all you could do was moan. Pietro’s thrusts became harder and more erratic and you felt him throb inside you as he came violently, his whole body shuddering as he released into you. You moved against him until he became soft and he held you a moment kissing along your shoulder. 

Pietro pulled out of you slowly and lay beside you on the bed, his head back on the pillows. You followed him down, lying on your side beside him and propping yourself up on your arm. 

All the anger was gone from his eyes and they watched his fingers caress the dip of your torso and up to your breasts thoughtfully, as if he wanted to record you to memory. 

The change in Pietro left you breathless and you reached over to stroke his cheek, about to ask him what he was thinking. He caught your hand in his, putting it to his cheek and leaning into your palm.

“Why am I not enough for you?” 

His eyes, those words, they broke your heart were you lay. You sat up facing away from him, struggling to breathe. 

“Oh god, Pietro, that’s not the problem.” 

“Please printessa,“ he insisted, his hands brushing your back soothingly, "tell me.” 

“I’ve fallen in love with you, Pietro.” 

You felt him shift on the bed an almost inaudible gasp leaving his lips and his hands left your back, cold air replacing his warmth. You rose from the bed wrapping yourself in the sheet.

“Are you happy now?” 

It took all your strength to turn and face him. You willed him to look at you, to say something, to do anything, but he just sat staring at his shaking hands.

“Looks like I’m not enough for you, either.”

Tears start to stream down your face, you don’t notice them and start gathering up your clothes, his silence telling you more than words ever could. 

He doesn’t love me.

Pietro didn’t look up as you walked out the door, or when you stopped to look back at the man you loved. Completely broken you closed the door behind you softly.

This time he didn’t stop you.


	4. Help Me Forget

You practically sleep walked into the gym, it was the last thing you wanted to do, to have to train with Pietro and act like nothing had happened. Yet a part of you wanted to show him you weren’t as weak as you actually were, that you weren’t dying inside.

Steve’s eyes regarded you with concern when he saw you walking towards him, hugging you before you could say a word. Pulling away you gave him a fake smile you knew he saw right through.

“I’m ok, where’s Pietro?” Your voice was flat, just like you wanted it to be as you begin helping him move the mats.

“He’s on mission,” you stared up at him, nearly dropping the mat in your hands, “he went to Fury last night, asking for anything available.” 

“Oh.” Was all you could manage, too shocked to really take it in, you felt like you were slowly shattering inside. He just left? 

“I guess you told him?” Steve asks you softly, taking your hand when he gets no response, “y/n?”

’I want you, I need you’ You almost laughed, so much so he would leave everything behind just to get away from you. He was all you ever wanted and those three words had put the nail in the coffin forever. You finally look up into Steve’s eyes and break down. 

“He didn’t even say goodbye.” 

You withdrew from everyone and everything, days turn into weeks and you hear nothing from Pietro. Your room became your haven and you didn’t leave unless you had to train or go on a mission, even then you weren’t really there, still wrapped up in your heartache. Most nights you snuck out to go drinking; which is where you were now, in the last dive bar in the area that hadn’t barred you. 

“Fuck this and fuck him.” You declare to no one in particular, downing another shot of bourbon. No wonder Bucky loved this stuff so much, you felt all warm and fuzzy.

When everything became too much it would dull the pain, if only for a few hours. You’d told him you loved him and he’d run as far as he could, just like he always did. He was probably banging someone else while you’re here swigging the last of this delightful bourbon. 

You hold your hand out for another and the barman puts his hand over the glass and shakes his head.

“I think you’ve had enough lady.” 

You were tempted to lay into him, instead you gave him the finger and wobbled off the stool, only just managing to stay upright, “Whatever, plenty more bars where you come from.” 

Squinting you try to focus on your phone to see the time, it looked like 3:50am? you didn’t notice where you were going and bump into one of the biker guys that had asked you to dance earlier on in the night, one that you’d given a pretty unceremonious no to.

“Watch it bitch,” the man shouted nearly knocking you over. He turned to his friend, laughing when you mutter a ‘sorry’ and wobble over to the door knocking into tables. Your vision was blurring, you’d never really been a big drinker.

“She’s fucking wasted.”

You spin around, clinging on to a chair for support, “Hey dumbass, I’m an avenger, I can kick your head in!” 

For a moment you stand your ground, albeit swaying a little, until the group stops laughing and the guy decides to prove how tough he is. He marches over to you before you can get out of the door and pulls you back by your hair, punching you to the ground. 

Dizzy from the pain you wipe the blood from your lip, listening to them laughing at you. Clambering to your feet you take a swing at him and miss the alcohol dulling your sense of distance.

“An avenger huh?” he mocks and punches you in the stomach. You groan and drop to your knees, almost throwing up. That one really hurt.

“Oh, come on, you punch like a pussy!” you snarl up at him.

“Anyone else want a go with the avenger?!”

"Yeah, come on, I’m sure your penis’s so small you need to hit an inhebirated, I mean ineberated, inber- oh fuck it…” 

You manage to stand again, too busy steadying yourself to notice the first guy grab you from behind, holding your arms securely. You struggle to get free, his sweaty fingers digging into your arms. He’s too strong and starts breathing on your neck. You feel nauseous, the group cheering while another biker steps in front of you. All you can do is brace yourself for the next punch, closing your eyes.

“What kind of asshole hits a lady?” You had to blink a few times to focus, Bucky? 

“She’s no fucking lady…” the guy about to punch you was cut off with a yelp as Bucky’s metal hand started squeezing and crushing, pulling his hand forcibly down to his side while he moaned in pain. 

The man tries swinging at Bucky with his other hand, Bucky just smirks and punches him to the ground out cold. His gaze goes to the man still holding onto your arms and you vaguely feel his grip loosen as he backs away. 

“Aint no whore worth this shit.” He mutters just loud enough for you to hear. 

That fucking word again. You lose it and punch him right in the face, not nearly as hard as you wanted to. He recovers easily and goes to retaliate, Bucky dragging you out of the way to punch him first, knocking him out. You watch as he falls next to his friend on the floor. Bucky grabs your arm roughly and pulls you out of the bar, stepping over the unconscious men on your way.

“Holy shit Bucky!” You giggle, the angry glare he gave you instantly sobering you up, “how did you know where I was?” 

Bucky grabbed your purse and pulled out your phone, holding it up to your face so you could see the call still running. He didn’t speak as he pushed you into a cab, slamming the door. Getting in the opposite side he stares out of the window, his jaw clenched and arms crossed. Even in your state it was obvious how much he wanted to sound his disapproval. 

The lights hurt your eyes as they flashed by and your head fell back onto the seat, you hear him grumble under his breath and turn to see him scowling at you like he would a stroppy teenager.

“What the hell is wrong with you?! So drunk you can’t even stand, picking fights, you need to get over this.” 

"Sorry dad.” You smirked at him, riling him up even more.

“That’s it? I’m trying to help you.” 

“I’m perfectly fine, I could have taken those dicks.” You giggled and he wasn’t impressed. 

“You’re falling apart.”

“Well, you would know about that,” you bite back, noticing darkness in his eyes and feeling guilty, you want to take the words back he didn’t deserve that.

Before you can apologize the cab pulls into the tower car park. Bucky pays the driver and helps you out, walking with you through the halls to your room, grunting when you stumble and he has to catch you.

You fumble with your keys, dropping them and squinting to try and get the key into the lock. After a few attempts, he huffs and yanks them from you, opening the door to let you in. 

“Bourbon’s the best Buck, no, wait, you, you’re the best Buck…”

You think you see a slight smile tug on his lips but that fades as fast as the vomit rising in your throat. You cover your mouth and run to your bathroom, stumbling into walls on your way.

Bucky follows you inside and you bat your hand at him, silently begging him to let you suffer, embarrassment starting to melt through your drunken haze. Ignoring you, he kneels beside you holding your hair back as you heave. You can hear him saying things but you can’t really answer him, your head throbbing from the constant heaving and alcohol. 

When the sickness finally subsides you wash your face and attempt to brush your teeth. Bucky gets your first aid kit and sits you on the bed, ignoring your protests again. 

Gently, he starts to clean the cuts on your face, you hiss as he dabs a deep cut just above your eyebrow. 

He pauses a second, holding your chin examining your various cuts, "This has to stop y/n, I won’t always be around to rescue you.” His hand lingers a moment his thumb brushing your cheek, his eyes thoughtful before turning to get a clean cotton pad.

“You were super awesome though.” You slur and grin over at him, determined to make him smile. You hated seeing him worry about you, being disappointed in you. He does slightly, motioning for you to lift up your top so he can see the damage to your torso.

You do your best, unable to lift your arms high enough without pain shooting through your abdomen. Bucky stops you and cuts into the side of the fabric, ripping it open.

“You like crop tops right?” He smirks and you giggle when he presses his hand onto your side.

“Ticklish?” he raises an eyebrow and you nod creasing up in laughter as he carries on, he frowns holding back a grin, “just tell me when it hurts, geez.” 

It takes a while for you to realize he’s finished checking you and just making you suffer, you bat his hands away and he glances up at you innocently.

“Well, nothing’s broken,” he mumbles, helping you into bed and bringing you a glass of water, "get some sleep, drunkard.”

“You’re never going to let me forget this are you?” you whine.

“Not a chance,” he pulls up the covers and leans down, placing a kiss to your forehead, “Goodnight.”

“Will you stay? just until I fall asleep?” He groans and you give him your best drunken puppy eyed look, which turned into something like a cross eyed squint and he laughs, giving in.

“You better not puke on me.” 

You giggle and pretend to thump him, smiling as he gets onto the bed. Curling up on your side Bucky lies on top of the covers behind you. Without thinking you grab his metal hand and pull it around your waist. If you were a bit more sober you might have noticed how uncomfortable he was.

“I’m sorry Buck, you know I didn’t mean what I said, don’t you?” You whispered and he squeezed your hand. 

"Go to sleep.” 

“I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

“Go to sleep.”

“Thank you for rescuing me supermansoldier.” You bumbled out as your eyes started to close. 

“Always, doll.” 

Oh, jesus, jesus christ. Your was head pounding before you even opened your eyes, feeling the pain as each wound came back to you, nausea bubbling up in your stomach. You hear snoring next to you and roll over to see Bucky spread out over the bed. You smile, just watching him a moment.

“Stop staring at me.” Bucky mumbles into his pillow.

“What? It’s not often you see Bucky Barnes so relaxed.” You grin at him, which makes your head hurt. You sit up and sip the stale water, your mouth tastes like death and you start remembering things from last night. He groans again and scrunches his face back into the pillow yawning. 

“About last night, I’m so sorry Bucky.“ 

"Remembering huh?” He smirked and sat up against the headboard next to you, letting you lean your head on his shoulder.

“What am I even doing any more?” he put his arm around you and rested his head on yours.

"You need to get over him.” His soothing voice made it sound so simple. With sadness tugging at your heart again, you knew he was right. Pietro wasn’t coming back, not for you anyway.

“I know.” He gave you a comforting squeeze and sniffed the top of your head loudly. You give him a weird look and he scrunches his nose up.

“You smell like bourbon.” 

“I know.”

“I should go for a shower,” Bucky nods a little too eagerly at your suggestion, “Breakfast?” 

“How does pancakes and bacon sound?” he asks.

“Yes please.”

You both get up off the bed, Bucky heading to the door while you gathered up clean clothes. You watch him fondly as he stops to pick up the first aid kit and rubbish from the night before. How is he such a good man? Still able to be so kind after all the things that have happened to him, how was he so patient with you?

“I really do appreciate everything, Buck.”

Bucky stops just before he closes the door, the bottom half of your top over his arm and just smiles at you shaking his head, "five minutes.”

You mock salute him and head for the shower. The warm water eases your bruises and you feel better than you have in weeks, maybe you could finally start to move on, at least stop punishing yourself so much. 

The sweet smell of cooking pancakes drifted into the hall and your stomach grumbled. You sit on a stool and watch Bucky cooking, an already growing pile of pancakes beside him.

“Cure for what ails ya?” He grins and sets a plate full of eggs, pancakes and bacon down in front of you. 

“These are amazing buck,” you mumble through bites of pancake, smiling appreciatively. It isn’t long before the smell attracts Steve and Sam, just in from their morning run. 

“You look better today y/n.” Steve smiled and sat next to you, Sam the other side of him, grabbing about six pancakes and a pile of bacon and syrup. You all gawp at him.

“What? Running gives me an appetite.” Sam says innocently and you all share in relaxed laughter.

Bucky sits beside you, elbowing you and nearly knocking you off your stool.

“Hey!” You stick your tongue out at him, stealing one of his pancakes in retaliation and he glares at you playfully.

“Careful y/n, he almost stabbed me with a fork for stealing his food once.” Steve remarked.

“From what I remember, it didn’t stop you and you threw up all over my girl’s shoes, punk.” 

“Damn, what was her name?” Steve asked in a way you recognized, pretending he didn’t remember, encouraging Bucky to try. He’d figured it out a while ago but played along anyway.

“Mary Dougherty.” 

“Was she hot?” Sam asked.

“She was Irish.” Steve said with a glint in his eye.

"So what happened? Did she stick around?” You asked, you loved hearing about Bucky and Steve’s life before the war and Hydra.

“She fainted and fell face first into the mud,” Bucky answered with such a straight face, both you and Sam started giggling, “I never saw her again.”

“I can’t believe you did that Steve.” You gave him a look in between giggles.

Steve held his hands up, “He was ‘in love’ with another girl the next week!” 

Bucky coughed, annoyed, “Still here, and I was fourteen.”

You give Bucky’s shoulder a quick nudge, letting him know it was ok to enjoy the moment. He rolled his eyes and rested his metal hand on your waist, for once not thinking about it. Steve notices aswell, sharing a glance with you and smiling. 

Sam stops eating, pancake and bacon dropping onto his plate. You see red reflected in the mirror and suddenly you’re surrounded by red mist and lifted up into the air, more red wrapping tightly around your neck and squeezing.

“Wanda?!” You panic, grabbing and clawing at the mist, your fingers clutching at nothing. Wanda just stares at you with red eyes, fury radiating from her.

“Wanda, let her go. Now.” Steve commanded, his voice shaky.

Wanda didn’t take any notice. The three men approached her and she flung them back like rag dolls, smashing them against the wall and knocking Sam unconscious.

“You, he left because of you…” Wanda squeezes your neck harder, tears starting to well up in her eyes and you gasp for air. She never let her rage control her like this. Fear not just for your own life began creeping through your veins. 

“It was Pietro’s choice to leave, you know that.” Steve reasoned in an attempt to get her attention and distract her from Bucky. 

You caught his eye as he edged closer to Wanda, desperately trying to tell him to stop, she wouldn’t hesitate to kill him in this state.

“He only left because he didn’t want to hurt her, and now he’s…“ Unable to finish her sentence Wanda turned her attention back to you increasing the pressure on your neck. She could easily snap you in half, she was dragging this out, she wanted you to suffer, to feel her pain. 

"What’s happened to him?” You plead with her, it comes out as a groan and is barely audible. You know she hears you though as she watches you begin to get light headed, less and less air getting into your lungs. You stopped fighting, your vision starting to fade.

“Please, Wanda, your killing her…” 

“It’s what she deserves…” 

“You know that’s not true, you’re better than this.” Steve pleaded, taking small steps towards her again. Wanda just wrapped him up in red, he couldn’t even struggle, he just looks up at you with helpless eyes.

While her attention is focused on you and Steve, Bucky pins her hands behind her back.

“Wanda, stop this.” 

Wanda screams, hitting Bucky with the full force of her powers. He braces against it using his metal arm, his boots skidding on the marble floor. He stumbles back and starts to fall. You hear Steve yelling and the pressure on your neck alleviates a moment, Wanda starting to come to her senses.

It’s too late, Bucky smashes through the glass frantically grabbing for something to hold onto, his eyes filled with terror as he starts falling a hundred storeys down.


	5. Descent

For a moment the world seems to be in slow motion, Bucky’s eyes meet yours just before he tumbles over the edge and your scream rips through your body all the pain you were feeling forgotten as you run to the edge of the window. Steve was beside you in an instant bracing himself to jump after his friend.

“What have I done?” Wanda sobs behind you, crumpled on the floor rocking back and forth. You put your arm out to stop Steve from jumping, a knowing glance passing between you both.

“Steve, I can save him.”

Steve closes his eyes, contemplating what to do. Your power was dangerous and unpredictable, much like Wanda’s, it was a huge risk. Letting out a breath he opens his eyes and nods.

“Do it.″

Wanda scrambles backwards to get away from you, only finding herself scooped up into Steve’s arms.

“I’m so sorry Wanda, I’ll be quick.”

Struggling to keep Wanda still you grab her face with both hands, feeling her thrashing around in Steve’s arms. Being as gentle as you can you close your eyes and everything stops once the transference begins.

The process only lasted seconds, but it always felt like a lifetime. Wanda’s essence and memories enter your body, her powers rushing through you leaving Wanda unconscious in Steve’s arms.

Barely giving yourself time to recover you pull yourself to your feet, taking a running jump out of the window without a second thought.

After a few moments of free fall, Wanda’s red energy finally flows from your hands, the amount of power coursing through you like nothing else. It propels you forwards until your speed increases so much you start to feel light headed. You know you’re going too fast, but you can’t slow down Bucky is already so close to the ground.

Bucky’s not even trying to stop himself falling anymore, he doesn’t even notice you careering down the building after him. The look of resignation in his eyes as he falls kills you, no fucking way were you going to let him die - and you told him that, practically screaming the words into his mind.

_‘Y/n? What the hell did you do?! Get your ass back into that building right now!’_

_‘Just let me save you will you?!’_

’ _How are you gonna do that? you suddenly an expert in Wanda’s powers? You’re going to get yourself killed!_ ’

’ _I can’t concentrate with you shouting at me!_ ’

’ _You started it!_ ’

Finally close enough you create a force field around him, slowing him down, but it wasn’t enough the ground getting too close for comfort. You use all the power you can muster and throw Bucky upwards, firing him back up the building while you move underneath him. He glares at you when he shoots past and you smirk at him.

_‘Love you too Buck’_

With only seconds until you hit the ground, you create a force field underneath you praying it would take most of the impact while you slowed Bucky down enough for a safe landing.

Wanda’s powers protect you a little, but you still slam into the ground a massive shock wave blasting around you sending earth, cars and debris flying into the air. Your head hits the floor with a nasty crack and the red circles around you while you try to calm down, a grin spreading over your dirt covered face when you see Bucky dusting himself off and running over to you.

“Do you realize how dangerous that was dammit!”

You sat up, trying to turn off Wanda’s overwhelming power. You’d never taken anyone so powerful before and it felt like it was burning through you, burning you out.

“You’re welcome.” You couldn’t help smiling, he was ok, even if he was pissed.

You held out your hand and he takes it, pulling you up into his arms and into a hug.

“Fuck’s sake y/n, you nearly gave me a heart attack.“Bucky kisses the top of your head while holding you close. He accidentally grazes the gash on the back of your head and you wince.

"You’re hurt,” he mumbles, his hand red with blood.

“Bucky, I need to get back to her.” You couldn’t fall unconscious, the longer you kept Wanda’s powers the worse it would be. Her memories had already stated running around in your head making it hard to concentrate.

Leaning on Bucky for support, you sigh in relief when Sam flies down and smile at the obvious shock on his face when he sees Bucky alive and your eyes swirling with red mist. He gives you a quick hug and brushes you off when you try to look at his near matching wound.

“Late as usual.” Bucky snarked and you rolled your eyes, they were always messing with each other; more than Bucky and Steve sometimes.

Sam smirks and pats Bucky on the shoulder, “Yeah, glad your alive man.”

“You know I love your bromance,” they both huff and roll their eyes, “but Sam, will you fly me up there?”

Sam nods and reaches out for your hand, while Bucky holds your arm, pulling you back, “What if she tries to kill you again?” You gave him a sideways smile, starting to feel woozy.

“She won’t wake up for a few hours, I’ll be ok.” You reassured him, stepping into Sam’s arms.

“Hold tight.”

The sudden rush of air doesn’t help your aching head and Sam is reluctant to let you go once he sets you down you’re so unsteady. He walks you over to where Steve is still sitting with Wanda in his arms. His cheeks are stained with tears and his eyes sparkle when he looks up at you.

“Buck? He’s ok?” You nod and your heart lifts at his grateful smile. Wanda appears so peaceful, however you know she isn’t really there, all you leave behind is a shell. You can only hope you make her whole again.

“Can you do this you’re hurt?” Steve asks, steadying you with his free hand.

“You know I have to, the longer I keep her essence the less I give back.”

You brush Wanda’s brown curls out of her face and take a deep breath, your hands holding her face. Closing your eyes you try to concentrate through your throbbing headache until you can feel Wanda’s powers flowing back into her body.

Scattered memories flashed by again; except they weren’t hers. The images ripped from you so fast you couldn’t pin point recent from old, all you heard were his screams. They were incessant, filling your mind with such incredible pain and fear, taking over your senses until you couldn’t differentiate between his screams and your own, pulling you down into the darkness with them.

_What have they done to you?_

* * *

The darkness doesn’t seem to want to let you go, it takes all your effort to open your eyes, curious as to who was snoring so loudly. You glance up and smile when you see Bucky in the armchair opposite you dozing off. Shuffling into a sitting position you sit up too quickly and pain shoots down the back of your head, making you feel dizzy. The movement  startles him awake and he jumps up to give you a hug.

“Morning sunshine, you were out a while this time.” Bucky smiles, his eyes tired as he checks your bandage.

“Wanda? Is she ok? I have to tell her…Pietro he’s…” You started to get out of bed and Bucky gently pushes you back down again.

“Wanda’s fine, don’t you feel that? We’re already in the air.”

Calming your breathing you noticed the rumble of the engine, “Is she still mad at me?”

“Could say that. At least she didn’t chuck you outta skyscraper,” he chuckled, the bed shifting under his weight as he sat down next to you, “she said she saw Pietro’s location when you did your thing, we’re headed there now.”

“Are you still mad at me?” You ask and he leans a little closer to you.

“Damn straight,” he answered with a hint of a smile, it disappeared when he caught your eye, “don’t ever risk your life for me again.”

“Promise me.” Bucky took your hand, the emotion in his eyes scaring you a little bit.

“You know I can’t promise that, could you? You’d do the same for me.” He shrugged and you elbowed him.

“We’re a few hours out yet, rest up.” Bucky lies you back onto the bed and pulls the covers over you. You swat his hand away playfully before you remember the images that filled your mind just before you lost consciousness.

“I’m frightened Bucky. I’m not sure what we’re going to find,” his forced smile told you he was trying to hide his own worry from you,“what if he’s …”

“You know that son of a bitch, he’ll be fine.”

“You didn’t hear his screams.”


	6. Blame it on Me

“I can’t sense him, something’s wrong.” Wanda’s voice drifted down the corridor as you approached the flight deck with Bucky.

“Y/n, its not a good idea.”

Bucky was right but you dismissed him. You wanted to plead with her, tell her how you felt his pain and heard his screams just as she had. You never wanted him to leave, you were sorry, you just had to make her see that.

Yet when you stepped onto the flight deck and saw her what was left of your resolve fell away. The way her eyes flashed scarlet and bore into yours, her face set into and angry glare, you knew nothing would help your case. She hated you. Whether it was your fault or not, you were her outlet for blame, a channel for all her worry and anger.

“What is she doing here?!” Wanda hissed, red mist circling her hands.

“Wanda,” Steve rose from his seat and put his hand on Wanda’s shoulder, she flinched away from him, “she can help us.”

“She is good for nothing…”

“Don’t force me to leave you on the jet.” Steve warned her.

Though her powers stopped flowing through her hands, her eyes blaze with anger and she approaches you, Bucky quickly moving his body in front of yours shielding you. She ignored him and kept her eyes on you, she was terrifying.

“Stay out of my way y/n, and know if Pietro doesn’t survive this,” she scoffed at Bucky, “no one will protect you from me.”

Wanda stormed past you both with a snarl on her lips. Even though you knew it was worry and pain driving her to be this way, it still hurt. Couldn’t she tell how much your heart was breaking at the thought of Pietro being hurt? Knowing that he was probably being tortured and experimented on  _again._  How could she not feel the constant dread and worry that ran through your mind every second, the guilt at the thought that it was all your fault?

“We land in three,” Clint broke the awkward silence that had settled over you all after Wanda left, “get ready kids.”

You were studying the plans for the base and didn’t look up. Steve sat beside you and his hand reached around your waist, giving it a quick squeeze.

“Don’t take it to heart kid, once we rescue Pietro this will all blow over.”

Steve meant well, but you weren’t sure who he was trying to convince, he knew if Pietro was alive they had to have done something to him. You didn’t even know how long Pietro had been there, trapped and alone.

“I don’t know cap, revenge is kind of their thing once they set their minds to it.”

“Not helping, Tony.”

* * *

The base was strangely quiet, no guards patrolled outside, there were no vehicles and your scans showed no signs of life. Warily you made your way inside finding it equally deserted. Card games, bottles of beer and training rooms were left abandoned as though the occupants had just disappeared into thin air.

“Do you think it’s a trap?” You asked Steve, observing him as he walked over to a large patch of blood spatter along the wall, still dripping.

“Whatever this is, it’s not good…Wanda, can you sense Pietro? Anyone?”

You averted her gaze as she shook her head, she was growing more and more agitated, “We’re wasting time, we have to find him.”

“Isn’t this the part in the movie where the monster picks us off one by one?” Clint smirks, withering under Wanda’s glare.

“Let’s just find Pietro and get the hell out of here.” Bucky muttered.

“Pair up, we don’t know what we’ve walked into here.”

“Y/n, we’ll take the northern-”

Wanda snorted, “ _Catelus câine sărac Barnes, îți pierzi timpul, ea nu te va iubi._ ”

“Shut your damn mouth, witch.” Bucky growled with such anger the whole team’s attention was on them both, Wanda’s smile not wavering as he moved toward her.

“Buck? Come on lets go.” You ran over and gently took his arm, he flinched at first, his jaw set and face flushed, his eyes only calming a little when they found yours and he allowed you to pull him away.

“ _Adevarul doare, iarna_.” Wanda carried on with a bitter laugh and though you couldn’t understand the words there was no mistaking the venom behind them.

“ _Nu știi nimic!_ ” Letting her words get under his skin Bucky snapped, roughly shoving you to side.

“Bucky, stop!” Placing yourself in front of him, you start pushing against his chest, using all your strength to hold him back before he did something he’d regret, only making him more determined, your feet sliding back along the floor.

“Move y/n!”

 _“Ești atât de slab, soldat-_ ”

“That’s enough!” Steve yells, getting their attention and grabbing Wanda’s wrist, “you’re with me.”

Steve drags Wanda away and Bucky fumes, his metal fist clenching as his eyes follow her until they are out of sight.  

“Are you-”

He raises his hand to quiet you, “Just don’t.”

Running his hand through his hair, he turns and picks up his gun, careful not to catch your eye as he storms off. Why would Wanda have such hostility towards Bucky? It was you she blamed for Pietro. Whatever her reasons she had succeeded in riling him up, he had closed himself off again. All you could do was give him time, so you kept quiet and followed behind him.

The corridor was almost pitch black as you made your way through the northern section of the base, the faint hum of electrics and your footsteps the only sound.

“What did she say to you?” It had been nearly an hour and he still wouldn’t look at you making you more worried, “Buck?”

“It doesn’t matter.” He was trying to ignore what Wanda had said, keep his mind on the mission, however Bucky’s reaction had told you otherwise. Now you wished you’d had Pietro teach you Sokovian, if you knew maybe you could help him.

“She didn’t mean it, she’s just hurting.”

“Oh she meant it.”

“Bucky, you know-”

“Shhhsh.” His arm shot out, pinning you back against the wall.

“What is it?” your whisper caught in your throat when he glanced back at you, the sound of heavy footsteps and voices getting louder.

“Trouble.”

There were far two many of them, Steve and the others were facing their own problems, leaving you to fend for yourselves. You were starting to run out of ammo and they were nearly on you, gaining ground with every passing minute.

“In here, now.”

Bucky pushed you inside a small room just off the corridor and locked the door, you banged on the glass frantically trying to type in the correct code.  _What the fuck was he doing?_

“Don’t come out until it’s clear, you hear me?!” Bucky shouted through the small pane of glass, his eyes full of worry.

“Barnes! You better let me out!” You shook your head at him, you could help, what use were you in here? What use were you to Pietro?

“You hear me y/n? I need to know you’re safe.”

You put a hand on the glass reluctantly nodding, “Don’t you die!”

He smirked over his shoulder at you before turning the corner, leaving you alone with the sounds of explosions rocking the building.

Sliding down the back of the door you lean against the cold metal, the red emergency lights flashing on and off. The room was small and empty, you would go stir crazy in here. You call over the coms a few times, cursing when no one responds. You feel useless again, just like on that first mission. You were the stupid little girl with stupid powers that were of no use in a real fight.

Pacing the small room, you search the walls for any abnormality, anything that could get you out. There’s a strange blood stain on the opposite wall smeared into a crude Hydra symbol. While examining it you feel a breeze tickle your fingers. Strange. You take out your scanner and put a little pressure on the same spot, stepping back when the wall slides open revealing a long dark corridor.

The lights flicker on and off as you step onto the metal ramp, it shakes with every step and you hang on to the rail, noticing the complete darkness below you. The stench of death makes you heave and you pass body after body, having to step over them, their lifeless bodies mangled and strewn over the ramp. Whoever killed them wanted them to suffer, bones broken at all angles, snapped necks, slit throats, it was insane.

What was left of an operating room seemed to be the only unlocked room, medical tools had been thrown around, there were more mutilated bodies and a blood stained trolley, the torn straps hanging down the sides. You didn’t dare think what had happened in there.

Eventually the ramp led you to an open warehouse space filled with machinery. Cryo chambers and holding cells were scattered around, some were operational, however all the occupants were dead, each one shot through the head.

Weaving between the chambers and cells, you wander further into the center and catch the faint, distorted beeping of a broken alarm off to your right. You follow the sound to the far end of the space, the only light coming from a fogged up glass cell hidden behind another destroyed chamber.

A body slumps over the cracked control panel, a doctor or scientist you guessed from the once white lab coat he wore and you move him out of the way, bringing up the log screen. It was odd, the cell hadn’t been used for weeks until six hours ago. The last sequence was set to auto lock with a delay of three seconds, with no information on who was inside.

Almost as if whoever was inside had…the growl got your attention first, breaking your thoughts, followed by the deafening crash of something heavy striking the glass. Heart pounding you peer through a gap in the condensation, blue light trails around the cell erratically, too fast for you to focus on. It fires towards you and you stumble backwards, clumsily grabbing for your gun and holding it out towards the cell with trembling hands.

“Pietro?”


	7. You Should Have Waited

“Steve, I’ve found Pietro.” You call over the coms, your hands shaking and stomach lurching every time Pietro throws himself into the glass, blue strands of energy bursting around the cell from each impact.

_At least you hoped it was still Pietro._

“We’re on our way, stay put.” Steve answered, his voice crackling through the interference.

With hesitant steps you approach the cell, watching as he keeps blurring in and out of focus, attempting to gauge his state of mind. Pietro’s hair is longer, greasy and stringy, his usual platinum blond dulled by dirt and blood. The more he stops the more you can see he’s covered in it, the dark red dried into his skin and ragged clothes.

Your happiness at finding him alive was starting to fade and you struggle to find your breath, fighting away the thoughts that something was wrong, very wrong.

“What did they do to you?” You whisper, unsure if he knows you’re there.

Pietro barrels into the glass with his shoulder and you had no idea how was it holding him, he seemed stronger, faster - if that was even possible.

“Please y/n let me out.” His voice was hoarse, you expected that, however the rage he was trying to hide as his hands gripped onto the glass, unable to keep control of his movements, that had you fighting the urge to back away.

“I can’t, we have to wait for Steve-”

“Printessa, please!” He banged his fist on the glass, shaking in and out of focus and when he looked at you, god you wanted to open the door.

“I need you, help me,” Something was off, you knew it but hearing such desperation and sadness in his voice you couldn’t take it anymore. Making the few steps to the control panel Pietro’s eyes followed your every movement and your hand hovered over the release button, “please, y/n, take me home.”

_Please be ok, please still be you._

The doors slide open and you he collapsed onto you. His arms wrap around your waist, his head falling onto your shoulder. Struggling to hold his weight you feel the bumps of his ribs through his worn shirt, smell the dried blood and sweat, his heartbeat fast and erratic like his breathing.

“You’re ok now, they can’t hurt you anymore.” You sighed through your tears, overwhelmed at having him close to you again. He would be safe now, whatever Hydra did to him, he was safe.

His fingers ghosted over your face, cupping your cheek and resting his forehead on yours. You missed the sneer on his lips just before they pressed to yours, rough where they were chapped, but you didn’t care kissing him back just as eagerly.

Breaking the kiss he places soft kissed over your cheek and up to your ear, “You taste different, y/n…like betrayal.”

“What did you say?”

Pietro grabs the back of your neck and forces his lips on yours, there’s no affection this time and he yanks on your hair, his nails digging into your scalp. You try to push him away when you feel a dull pain in your stomach, your insides tearing almost as an afterthought with the speed and force of the knife plunging into your body.

Pietro releases you then, backing away to watch with amusement as you grab the knife only the hilt still outside of your stomach, thick red blood oozing through the material of your suit.

“Pietro?” You stare at him in disbelief, falling back against the wall and sliding down to the floor, pain blooming through your abdomen.

Crouching down in front of you he leans over and kisses your forehead, his blue eyes clouding over with black, it swirls around his iris’ like storm clouds. They flit from you to the knife before he grabs your arm, forcing you back against the wall, keeping you still. His fingers close around the handle, pushing a little and you close your eyes, your body tensing from the intense pain deep inside you.

_You should have waited. You should have known._

“Open your eyes,” Pietro grabs your hair jerking your head forwards, forcing you to look at him, “I want to see you.”

Agonizingly slowly he twists and turns the knife, his eyes watching your reaction as you shake and squirm, gripping onto his arm, silently begging him to stop.

“No…Pietro…you don’t have to…” Your fear and pain just adds to his curious fascination, his eyes glaze over and a scream bubbles up inside you but all that leaves your mouth is a whimper when he drags the knife upwards, slicing further into your skin.

“Sorry printessa, I can’t let any of you live,” he brushes his thumb down your cheek, leaving a red trail of your blood and tilts your chin, biting his lip as his eyes skim over your face, “it was good while it lasted.”

He rips the knife out of you, rising to his feet with a smirk and wipes the knife on his shirt, mixing it in with all the other blood stains. None of it was his. This wasn’t Pietro, not anymore.

_You should have waited._

"Please, don’t leave me.” You call out to him weakly and he doesn’t even spare you a glance, his blue trails disappearing into the dim light. You scan the ruined machines all around you, finding nothing to help, all you can do is try and stem the blood, hissing at the added pressure.

“Guys, Pietro he’s not…they’ve done something to him he’s dangerous…” your voice wavers as you call over the coms, a painful cough shaking through your body before you could finish and you whimper in terror feeling the warm blood in your palm.

“Y/n are you ok?”

“I’m, no, Pietro, he fucking stabbed me…I think he killed everyone, Buck.” You can’t hide the shock and panic in your voice, the pool of blood around you steadily getting bigger no matter how much pressure you put on the wound.

“Shit. Don’t move we’re coming for you.”

“I don’t think I’m going anywhere,” you say with a forced chuckle, “please be careful, he thinks we betrayed him, he wants to kill you.”

You’re not sure how much time passes, you just know the pain is starting to subside and that’s not a good sign; that and the darkness around the edges of your vision.

“Y/n?” Bucky stumbles to a stop when he gets close enough to really see you, his eyes wide with shock. You’d never seen him freeze like this before. His eyes finally meet yours and you ache at the sadness in them, even he thought you were done for, “why didn’t you wait for us?!”

“Maybe its not as bad as it looks?” You attempt a smile, trying to appear more alert than you actually were, ignoring the numb feeling spreading through your body.

Bucky runs over to you kneeling in your blood and examining your wound, prying away your fingers, “You’re losing too much blood, we have to slow it down.”

Shrugging off his jacket, he rips the material and carefully wraps a makeshift bandage around the wound, glancing up every few seconds to gauge how much he was hurting you.

“You’re going to be ok alright doll? we’ll get you out of here and that cradle will patch you up, good as new…” You could see tears starting to shine in his eyes, and he wipes them away with a frustrated grunt.

“It stopped hurting a while ago…” You whispered and his hands stopped their frantic movements.

“Y/n, I- ” he froze again, you looked at him hoping he would know it was ok. You cupped his face recoiling when you see the blood on your hands, the side of his face crimson with your blood.

“No, this can’t be…” Wanda gasped and put her hand to her mouth, “Pietro did this?!”

Bucky finished tending your wound without acknowledging her, he didn’t want to say anything he would regret, anything to give away how bad this actually was, how close to death you really were.

“Help me, we need to get her out of here.”

Each taking an arm they lifted you up and carried you along the metal ramp, your feet barely moving along the floor.

“That wasn’t Pietro,” you whisper to Wanda, “whatever they did to him, there’s something inside him.”

“Save your strength doll.” You lean your head on Bucky’s shoulder, holding less and less of your own weight, slowing them down even more.

“We need to go faster.” Bucky whispered to Wanda, desperation creeping into his voice. Wanda nodded and enveloped you in a blanket of red.

The odd sensation was nothing like the previous day, the feeling warm and comforting as Wanda floated you along the corridors, her and Bucky running behind you. A part of you wanted to tell them to stop, you knew you weren’t going to make it you could feel it. Your heart rate was slowing down and everything echoed in your head like you were underwater.

“Almost there doll, hold on ok?”

Bucky’s voice is muffled, the light of the exit through Wanda’s force field blurring when you’re violently ripped out of Wanda’s hold. A feeling of weightlessness washes over you before you’re flung down, hitting the floor awkwardly and your leg breaks underneath you. You manage to sit up gasping at the sight of bone protruding from your leg.

“You don’t look so good printessa.” 

The pain is more of a dull burn now, just adding onto everything else. You let your head fall back and glance up to see Pietro come to a stop in a halo of blue, his satisfied smirk contrasting his cold eyes as he leans over you.

“Y/n!” Bucky screamed, running over to you both. Pietro winked at you and disappeared in a blur. He swiftly grabs Bucky by the throat and shoves him into the wall with little effort, his head flying back at an awkward angle hitting a steel beam. He’s dazed but he still struggles, his metal arm punching and pulling on Pietro’s arms, not even making Pietro flinch.

You watch in horror as Pietro uses the weight of his body to push against Bucky’s shoulder immobilizing his flesh arm and clutching at Bucky’s metal wrist forcing the arm to outstretch, the mechanism whirring and straining as Bucky tried to stop it. Pietro was never this strong, not enough to overpower Bucky’s arm. You look around you for anything to use as a weapon, your gun long gone.

“They want this back soldat.” Pietro spat, twisting the arm around Bucky’s back and reaching into his pocket for the knife.

Leaning over your fingertips just brush the glass shard, after a few tries you manage to slide it close enough and you grab it. You threw it as hard as you could and it grazes his leg, leaving a deep gash, enough to get his attention, his brows furrowing in annoyance at you.

“Hydra are using you, Pietro,” he rolled his eyes at you and smirked, “you don’t have to do this, let him go.”

His laugh was rough, and in one move he yanked Bucky’s arm, swinging it around and flinging him across the room.  You flinch as Bucky’s head hits the floor, scowling at Pietro watching your reaction again, knowing you were helpless.

“What? I let him go yes?” Pietro smirks and starts walking over to you.

Bucky groans as he tries to pull himself up, blood trickling from the cut on the back of his head and his arm in bad shape, the join where it met his shoulder bleeding.

“Pietro! That’s enough!” Wanda blasts him in the shoulder, it only knocks him back slightly and he turns his attention to his sister, walking her backwards into the wall, that same empty expression on his face.

“Pietro, it’s me, your sora, we can fix this, whatever they have done to you, we can fix it…” Wanda holds her hands up, not wanting to use her powers on her brother.

Using your last bit of strength you roll onto your front, trying to crawl towards them. Each pull of your body was agony, the hard concrete scraping your wound and the bone protruding from your leg. You bite your lip to stop from screaming, so hard you can taste the fresh blood in your mouth.

Pietro slams Wanda into the wall, holding her arms, “No one leaves this place, not even you  _sister_ , those are my orders…”

“No Pietro, listen to me…” Wanda screams, his hands wrap around her throat and she claws at his hands, you want to scream at him to let her go, the panic and fear in her eyes tearing you apart, “please! Stop!”

Pietro never once faltered, his face set in an empty rage. He wasn’t sorry, he felt no remorse, no emotion. He was about to kill the person he loved more than anything in this world and  _he didn’t care._

Praying you weren’t too late, you reach out and slip your hand under the hem of his pants grabbing his ankle, your dying body protesting at using so much energy.

Pietro glares down at you, about to kick you away when it dawns on him what you’re trying to do. He released Wanda and she fell to her knees coughing and fighting for breath. You couldn’t let him kill her. If Pietro ever does get through this, it would destroy him.

“Bitch…”

Pietro reaches for you but it’s too late. You meet his eyes, still swirling with black when all you wanted to see was the beautiful blue you remembered.

“I’m sorry, Pietro, I can’t let you kill her.”

In that moment, you do something you promised you would never do again. You generate a surge in your powers ripping his essence from him, almost instantly. It was only the second time you had used your powers this way, you hated the violence of it.

You held on just long enough to witness Wanda’s screams, her tear filled eyes more painful than any of your wounds as she runs to her brother, scooping him up into her arms. Pietro’s lifeless eyes stare blankly into yours and you crumple to the floor your body finally giving out, even Pietro’s abilities not fast enough to heal you.


	8. Pain

Over and over again your last few seconds replay in your brain, Pietro’s hands around Wanda’s neck, his lifeless eyes after you violently steal his essence condemning him to die with you…except this time the scene fades to white, your eyes open and it’s blinding. You feel around trying to get your bearings, an IV was in your arm and pads and wires were attached all over your body. There’s no space around you, and you panic realising you are trapped in some kind of box. You bang your fists on the sides and rip out the wires attached to you, shielding yourself when the hatch slides open.

“Y/n you’re ok, you’re safe, breathe,” relief washes over you when Bruce’s face emerges from the bright lights. You continue to struggle for breath your chest heaving and head spinning as Bruce gently helps you out of the cradle and onto a bed, “the cradle and Pietro’s abilities healed you but we had to suppress his speed, you might feel dizzy for a while.”

“Where is he? Bucky, is he ok his head was bleeding so much and…”

“He’s in cryo, we thought it might help slow the deterioration down until you woke up, and Bucky’s fine he needed stitches and his arm still needs fixing but he wouldn’t leave you,” Bruce chuckled,“he’s been here three days, we had to practically throw him in the shower.”

You drop back against the headboard in an attempt to help the sickness in your stomach, your muscles ached so much you couldn’t really move. _Three days?_  Only moments ago you were bleeding to death. Your hand grazes over your stomach, only soft skin under your fingers.

Bucky strolls in just in a white t-shirt and sweatpants, his hair still wet and fiddling with the sling on his arm, “I messed it up again doc, is there any change-?.”

Bruce coughs and Bucky glances up, face full of surprise and he breaks into a grin, “Y/n?”   

“Hey Buck.”

“Watch the arm!” Bruce warns and Bucky ignores him, hugging you tightly with his free hand. You rest your hands around his waist, letting your body relax into him, enjoying his warmth.

“You really scared us this time,” Bucky smiles into your hair, pulling back to hold your face, you smile at the relief in his eyes and he kisses your forehead, “it’s good to have you back doll.”

“You should let them fix you properly, how’s your head?”

“I’ve had worse.” He grins and moves away a little, his arm snaking around your waist and letting you lean against him.

“How do you feel?” Steve bounds in his eyes almost as tired as Bucky’s and he checks you over before giving you a hug. He sits himself down on the opposite side to Bucky and the bed bounces with the weight of him, “we tried to get to you sooner, I’m sorry kid.”

“You got us home, that’s all that matters.” You mumble, his arms squeezing the air out of you.

“It’s good to see you well.”

Wanda was the last person you expected to see, let alone smile at you in quiet thanks. You returned the gesture though and she trailed in behind Tony, hiding her shaking hands under her shawl. Your eyes were drawn to the purple bruises spread over her neck, her skin a pale grey and dark shadows under her usually vibrant eyes. 

Steve and Tony share a look and you put your hand on Steve’s getting his attention, “What is it?”

“Do you think you’re up to using your powers?” Steve asked and your stomach turned with dread, “we need you to try and find out who did this, to sort through his memories as you return them. If we can figure out what happened to him, maybe we can reverse it.”

“I’m not sure Steve, I don’t have that level of control yet-”

“I can help you.” Wanda suggested, stepping forward.

“Not a bad idea, in case y/n falls unconscious Wanda will be like a back up drive.”

Glancing over their expectant eyes, you weren’t sure you wanted Wanda in your head like that; could she face the memories of someone torturing her brother? Could you?

“Yes,” Wanda whispered and smiled at you knowingly, “we must try.”

There wasn’t really anything to decide, you wanted Pietro back, you wanted to know who turned him into a killer and there was no other way.

“How do you want to do this?”

* * *

Bruce straps you down to the bed, the amount of restraints and just how tight they were making you nervous, “when we remove the inhibitors it will be a massive shock to your system, we’re not sure how your body will take it.”

“Don’t want you zooming off to China.” Tony smirks, sensing your unease and you roll your eyes at him.

While Bruce begins to hook you up to machines you watch as the cryo chamber is wheeled into the room. Pietro looks so small inside, so still, you can’t even see his chest rise. You need skin contact for your powers to work so they open a hatch on the side and you slip your hand inside, hesitantly placing it over Pietro’s.

They were so rough now, scratches covering the pale skin that’s icy to the touch. Such a strange sensation. He was always so warm, never still. You go over the softness of his fingers, remembering their gentle touch as they caressed your skin. You didn’t register the quiet as everyone left, the touch of Wanda’s hand taking yours the only thing grounding you.

“Ready?” Tony asks and you turn your head to give Bucky a reassuring smile, you could feel how much he didn’t want you to do this.

No one knew how Pietro would react when he woke up; if he woke up at all. Bucky refused to leave in case he turned violent, to keep you safe. Wanda squeezed your hand, her calm expression not hiding how terrified she was, still, she nodded for you to begin.

A familiar sensation rushed through your veins, your power taking on a life of it’s own as it built up inside you. You gripped Wanda’s hand as the energy ricochets inside your brain and you struggle to control it as it flows back out. With her help you gradually slow it down, you start grabbing onto memories, trying to find anything familiar in the chaos.

Picking through memories was a skill you had never managed to control and even with Wanda’s help they were erratic. There were flashes of Ultron, his parents, Sokovia, Wanda and you, lots of girls but overwhelmingly  _you_. Lust, sex, pleasure and chasing at first changed to flashes of Pietro watching you sleep, noticing your smile, your laugh, an overwhelming sense of something you never expected…

‘Concentrate.’ Wanda’s voice scolded you in your mind, ‘I dont want to see this.’

‘I do.’

_“You know printessa, your eggy bacon would stop that rumbling…” Pietro walks out of the bathroom drying his hair and it takes him a second to notice you’re not there, “Y/n?”_

_Guessing you’d gone to make breakfast, he gets dressed and walks out to the kitchen hoping he’d find you in his shirt, cooking that scrambled eggs and bacon that no one could make taste as nice as you did…your bare thighs making him want run his hands up them and bend you over the counter… but there was no you, no delicious smell. Getting worried he sped to your door and was about to knock when he got your text._

_Pietro stared at his phone, reading the message over and over again until he was fuming. He wanted to bang your door down and demand answers, why would you break it off? You seemed to enjoy him enough last night, and this morning - how could you go from that to brushing him off? Instead he just stared at the door and listened to you cry until he couldn’t take it anymore._

_Running to his own room, he picked up the first thing he could get his hands on and smashed it against the wall, then another, not satisfied until his room was trashed. He catches sight of himself in the mirror, blood on his hands and tears staining his cheeks with no relief from his anger and frustration. Coward._

_Pietro’s phone buzzes from under his upturned bed and he grabs it, reading the text from another girl he messed around with before you. He’s ignored her and others since; yes, there was the odd bit of flirting here and there, but he only needed you in his bed, he only wanted you._

_L: Wanna hook up?_

_Pietro glances back at himself in the mirror, he c_ _ouldn’t understand what he’d done wrong, why did it hurt so much? He was angry, confused and he decided if you could just throw him away so easily, it was your loss._ _He wanted to show you what you were missing, make you hurt, so he typed his reply._

_P: Of course frumoasa. When and where?_

Wanda tears you out of the memory, her impatience making you lose control and his memories start to get away from you again, all you see are quick flashes of images until you catch a more recent memory, Pietro emerging from a run down hotel, the sun beaming down and dust in the air.

_He was following a lead, speeding through backstreets until he reaches a warehouse. He ignores the anxious feeling in his gut and walks into a meeting with the vibranium dealers, not realizing until it’s too late he’s walking into a trap. They hold him down, and he feels the needle jab into the back of his neck and the heat of the drugs as they burn through him until it’s all black._

_Pietro wakes up in a nightmare, he’s in a replica of his Hydra cell, he screams for help, tries to force the door open until his shoulder is bruised and probably fractured. He’s left for hours, days with no food or water, left to go insane without being able to run, to burn off his energy._

_“It’s good to have you back 8296.”_

_Pietro can’t make out his face, but he recognizes the voice and his blood turns cold, it can’t be him._

_The doctor steps into the light and Pietro scrambles away from the brightness, his eyes stinging after so long in half light, not even trying to fight off the guards as they held him down. He knew what this was. Fighting would do him no good, he just had to wait it out, whatever they did to him. He was afraid, and this time he was alone._

Wanda tries to break the connection, she must recognize the doctor. You try to keep her present, forcing her mind to stay and the picture changes again, loud music, so many voices…

_Of course you were here with him._

_Pietro hated how close you were to Bucky and Steve, but especially Bucky. He could never compete with your friendship and he saw the way Bucky looked at you. _He knew this casual arrangement would end someday but not yet._ H _e was sure that bastard was the reason, always whispering doubts in your ear, and he was right. Bucky_  could offer you more than Pietro ever could.  Fuck, he wants you so badly and it hurts him when you head straight for Bucky, not him. So he takes his anger out on you, watching your reaction when he kisses the girl, his hands roaming her body and not feeling as bad as he should for using her. She was beautiful and fun, but she wasn’t you. _ _He watches you leave, his pride happy while his heart hurts for you._

_“What the hell is your problem?!”_

_“I don’t have a problem.” Pietro turns away kissing the girl again and Bucky yanks him back by his collar and slams him against the bar. He vaguely hears the girl scream and good old Mr Rogers consoling her, leading her away from the scuffle._

_“You think you can treat y/n like that?” Bucky growls at Pietro, shoving him back again, glasses rattling on the bar and people quickly move out of the way._

_“She ended it, why should I wait around?”_

_“Did you really need to throw it in her face, asshole?” Bucky hissed, his metal fingers tightening around Pietro’s neck, the pressure almost cutting off his air._

_Pietro shrugs, smirking,“She’s so special she opened her legs for the first man that paid her any attention…”_

__“Come on Buck, he’s not worth it, let’s go home…”_ _ _Steve attempts to calm Bucky down, however Pietro was enjoying making him angry._

__Pietro leans in close to his ear,_  “I know you want her old man, how it kills you it’s my bed she runs to,” he was getting under his skin, Bucky’s nostrils flaring and jaw set, it wouldn’t take much more to make him snap, “you want her? Just give her a bit of attention, her curva legs will open right up.”_

_Pietro regretted the words as soon as he said them, he didn’t really mean them. He wanted to hurt Bucky, hurt you, he wanted to get what he thought he deserved_ _._

_“What did you just say?!”_

_The first punch had him stumbling back a little, the sharp pain and blood in his mouth not enough to wipe the smirk off his face,“just that she’s my_  curva _, but you know, give her a little and she’ll…”_

_“Say that again.”_

_“What? Curva?” Bucky’s metal fist smashes into his face, Pietro wipes the blood from his nose and finally gives in to his anger, speeding over and knocking Bucky into a bunch of tables._

'Y/n! We’re not here for this.’

__Wanda would come, you would come, he just had to wait._ _

_Pietro holds onto memories of you at first, the most private ones he saves for the nights. For the few hours he’s thrown back into his cell. His body left to heal until they decided it was time to break it again. Eventually they twist those too. As his body changes he needs less time to recover and _every hour they find a new way to torture him, twist his memories of you, Wanda and the Avengers. H_ _ _ _is hope fading a little more each time.____

__“Why do you think no one has come for you 8296?” “Who do you think told us where you were?”_ _

_For hours he’d been strapped into this chair, an IV slowly pumping god knows what into his system. Forcing him to watch endless videos of war, violence, altered images of the avengers, killing in such gruesome ways he never imagined…every time he closed his eyes an electric current passed through the wires attached to his temple and straight into his brain._ _The doctor’s voice played on a constant loop, whispering in his ear, worming his way into Pietro’s subconscious._

_“They betrayed you, killed your parents…they want you to suffer like this,” he knew it wasn’t real, yet the more he watched, the more pain he felt, the more numb he became, “you were right to hate the avengers, they left you to die here, they want you to die here.”_

_“No one is coming for you, 8296.”_

__Wanda would come, you would come, he just had to wait. Just had to…_ _

_Pietro sneaks into your room, avoiding the creaky floorboard and chuckles seeing you spread out all over the bed, the amount of times you kicked him during the night he’d lost count. Your soft snoring and serene expression made him want to slip into bed beside you, but he had to leave he couldn’t bear to hurt you anymore. He gently brushes the hair from your face and kisses your forehead, inhaling your scent, it was always jasmine,“You’re better off without me, printessa, take care of yourself.”_

_“This will keep you still,_ ”  _He’s brought out of the memory by a burning pain in his arm, he tries to struggle,_ _his body not responding,_ _“now, let’s see how fast you can heal.”_

_T_ _he doctor laughed, an evil shrill sound letting Pietro know he was going to have some fun._

_Pietro sees the glint of the scalpel in the bright lights the dark figure of the Doctor leaning over him. He strains to see what the doctor is doing, biting into the gag, his body tensing when he feels the cold scalpel press, then puncture and cut through his skin. Screaming when the blade slices down his chest, screaming when the doctor reaches down and pulls back his skin._

_Pietro’s head falls back on the table, his eyes rolling back when he feels hands inside of him pulling, twisting, cutting, until he eventually passes out from the pain, the image of the doctor holding up his heart flickering to black._

'Wanda, we have to keep going, he could lose all his memories, he’ll be stuck inside the last memory before the break…please, I know how much you’re hurting but we cant leave him here…’

'I can’t y/n, he’s in so much pain it’s too-.’

'Please, just a little longer…“

_Pietro’s lost track of time now, strapped down to another metal bed in another grey room. There’s almost nothing left, he can’t feel, can’t think , all he knows is the pain, everything seems distant, hazy. The scientist approaches him but Pietro doesn’t hear him, even when the scientist slaps his face leaving an angry bruise Pietro just feels…nothing._

_“Is he ready?” Another man enters the room holding a vial of black liquid. Attaching it to a needle gun he fires the substance into Pietro’s neck without waiting for an answer. More pain shoots through his body as the liquid does it’s job, finally numbing everything except his rage, and he welcomes it._

_“8296 are you ready to comply?”_

'Let me out! Y/n, break it, let me out!’

Both Wanda and Pietro rip from your mind and you hang on just long enough to see flashes of his last few hours before you found him, the last remnants of his essence flowing back into his body. Oh god, the things he did, things they told him to do…your eyes blink open desperate for it all to be a dream, to forget everything you’ve seen.

Steve carries Wanda out of the room trying to calm her, her sobs breaking your heart, nothing could erase what happened, nothing could bring him back; not the Pietro you knew. His eyes flutter open and you struggle to get the straps undone.

“Y/n?”

“Pietro?” There’s recognition and confusion in his eyes for a few moments then he starts to struggle, using his powers to vibrate the metal holding him in place, cracks appearing all around him.

“You’re not real,” Pietro studies your face sadly, “I wish you were…” he screams in pain as the black creeps over his eyes again and it’s not Pietro that stares back at you.

“I thought I’d killed you printessa?” He grabs your forearm, dragging you and the bed against the chamber. His nails dig deeper into your skin not letting go when Bucky unties you. His grip only tightens while Bucky pulls you away, his nails leaving angry bloody scratches in your skin. Pietro starts screaming again, the same animalistic rage you saw when you found him consuming him, driving him insane.

“Y/n, we need to go!”

“No!”

“Y/n, you can’t help him!”

“I can’t leave him like that!”

“Look at him! He’s gone y/n.” Bucky grabs you around the waist, picking you up and carrying you out of the room. The doors close and sedative gas is released.

You collapse against Bucky, your screams muffled by his warm body, tears rolling down your cheeks. He pulls you to him both of you huddled against the wall of the corridor. Steve mirrors your position with Wanda, both men feeling helpless.

Covering your ears to block out Wanda sobbing, images of what you saw burn into your brain as if they were your own memories, your own pain and you cling onto Bucky unable to control your emotions, your own mind.

“They had him for weeks, I felt all of it Bucky…”

“Shhsh, it’s ok, I’m here, Y/n it’s ok.”

“No it’s not…”

_Nothing will ever be ok again, for any of them._


	9. Taking it's Toll

_“Come on printessa, we don’t have long.”_

_Pietro pulls you by the hand, speeding you into a side room away from the others, sitting you down on a desk and pulling down the zipper of your suit before you can blink._

_“Seeing you fight like that, so fucking hot,” He growls crashing his lips on yours, his hands tugging down your bra and s_ __queezing your breast before_ pinching  your nipple hard, twisting it between his fingers. You cry out from the pain and pleasure, arching _ _into him when he _trails open mouthed kisses along your neck,_  his cold inhale sending tingles down your spine,  _“_ _I’ve been trying to get you alone for hours.“__

_You’d noticed how he was watching you, how frustrated he was getting. It made your insides burn with arousal, knowing you had that effect on him and you may have played it up, just a little bit._

_“Pietro we can’t, what if they hear us.” Tony’s laugh echoed through the thin walls, making you freeze up but it didn’t phase Pietro, he loved the thrill of getting caught and even you had to admit it was kind of a turn on._

_“Then be quiet.” He raises his eyebrows in challenge, ripping the elastic of your panties and grabbing your ass, lifting you up off the desk so he can rip them away from you._

_“I know you were teasing me, printessa,” _You gasp bucking your hips into his hand, eagerly rubbing your clit,_ “were you enjoying me wanting you? Getting hard every time I looked at you?”  _he chuckles, your reluctance fading with each circle of his fingers, melting into him,_ “did it make you wet draga?” his  _ _ _fingers slide down between your folds to feel your slick, already so wet for him.____

____“So naughty,” He pulls his hand away licking your juices from his fingers, “so sweet.” _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _Jesus christ.____________ You almost dissolved into a puddle at the pure lust in his eyes as he ran his tongue over your lips, hearing the growl that rumbled in his chest when you licked your lips, tasting yourself and sucking on his tongue, pulling him into another messy kiss._ _ _ _

_“Yes, so wet for you, I need you inside me, please Pietro,” Unzipping _the bottom half of his suit_  he pulls himself free, stroking himself a few times watching as his cock sinks into you his eyes flitting back to yours when you moan loudly, biting your lip,“Oh, fuck.”_

_“Y/n, you have to be, shit, you’re so tight.” He covered your mouth, burying his moans into your shoulder as he pulled out then thrust hard back into you, fingers digging into your ass burying his cock inside you with each thrust_ __as he fucked you. Pleasure rippled through you and_ _ _you tugged on his hair, dug your nails into his back, anything to hear him moan, to get him to fuck you harder, both of you desperate for release._

___“Pietro.”_  You breathe out his name when hi_s hand moves from your mouth, changing his angle just a little, but enough to hit your spot with each drive of his hips. You’re so close and when he vibrates his fingers against your swollen clit it sends you crashing into a deep intense orgasm._

_“Y/n, fuck,” _the sensation of you coming around him, squeezing him slightly has him gripping your hips harder, pushing into you while you grind against him, his name falling from your lips over and over. It all pulls him down with you and he grunts biting into your shoulder, the jolt of pain _going straight to your center. The new feeling_ only adding to your pleasure, y_our senses overwhelmed by him. _

_He’s all you can feel, his deep quiet moans of your name, that warm feeling of him spilling into you as he came, throbbing inside you and you clung to him rolling your hips lazily trying to prolong your pleasure. Both of you are a panting mess and Pietro holds your waist to him, his tongue soothing the bite and placing soft kisses along your jaw, giving you one last kiss before easing himself out of you._ _  
_

____You would never get tired of this, of him, so unbelievably gorgeous in_  his just fucked state, messed up hair, flushed face and contented smile_ _ _ _. He tucks_ ___himself back into his pants,_ _ _ _grabbing for your discarded panties using them to clean you up._

__“Remind me to tease you more often, that was amazing.” Pietro doesn’t answer just pulls you in for another kiss, biting your lip when he pulls away._ _

_“They’re gonna know aren’t they?” You giggle and he grins pulling up your zipper a bit more and tucking your hair behind your ears._

_“Then they’ll know you’re mine,” he shrugs, eyes raking over your body hungrily, his thumb tracing down over your still hard nipples and reaching around to grab your ass,_ __squeezing you to him,_ _ _“round two at home, yes?” he whispers, _ _nibbling your ear. Fuck _ _ _yes.______

_“We better go.“_

_“După tine, frumoasă.”_

_With a satisfied grin on your face, you straighten your hair down again and step out the door, confused when you find it dark and quiet. Metal clangs under your feet and you can’t hear the thrum of the jet’s engine. Where is everyone?_

_The fluorescent lights flicker on and you scream, every surface was covered in blood, your friends’ bodies thrown around like rag dolls. Bucky lay back against the wall his arm covering a gaping wound to his middle, his eyes meet yours as he takes his last breath._

__You shouldn’t be here._ This isn’t real.   _

_Hearing whimpers you spin around, screaming again. Pietro holds Steve, dragging a knife slowly across his neck. He watches with perverse curiosity as Steve’s _blood gushes from the wound. Glancing up his_ eyes locked on you, smirking while you’re running to Steve, holding your hand to his neck, begging him to stay, but his face pails, blue _eyes pleading with you before he falls unconscious._  "NO!“_

_"This is what will happen y/n, you can’t stop me, you can’t kill me,” he holds you against him with only one arm, his strength overwhelming, crushing down onto your chest. _ _You kick and scream scratching your nails into his arm, nothing__  phases him and he holds the knife to your throat still dripping red with Steve’s blood, “all you can do is watch them die.”_

_He stabs deep into the side of your neck, pulling out the knife to watch your warm blood flow down your chest. It takes a moment to realise it’s yours and by then you're_ __hit by a wave of nausea, your_ vision starting to cloud over. Your struggles against him slow down, your pleading whimpers silenced when Pietro wrenches the knife across your throat and downwards slightly, cutting through your vocal chords and arteries._

_“I said be quiet.”_

Clutching at your throat, you gasp for breath, Bucky holding you against him, stopping you from thrashing around.

“Y/n you’re ok, you’re home, I’m here.” Bucky whispered into your hair, rubbing circles on your back, calming you down. You just held onto him tighter. Every time you closed your eyes you would dream Pietro’s memories, sometimes they were mixed with your own but they always ended the same way. Always falling back to that base, where you and everyone you loved died, in gruesome and brutal ways. It was your fault, you could never stop it, stop Pietro. You couldn’t save him.

“It was so real.” You sob against his chest, you just wanted it to stop, you were so exhausted.

“You have to tell them doll, it’s eating away at you…" 

"I can’t Bucky, what if they decide he’s too dangerous? What if they kill him?lock him away?” For the last week you had been living in a constant cycle, fighting off sleep until you collapsed from exhaustion, you weren’t eating, drinking, you couldn’t get Pietro’s memories out of your head. It was slowly driving you crazy.

“I can’t stand seeing you like this,” he said, frustration lacing his voice though he tried to stay calm. You were pushing him away, you didn’t want to drag him down with you. Yet the further you retreated into yourself the more he tried to pull you back, leaving you feeling guilty and angry that you were making him suffer with you, “let me help you, y/n, please.”

“I’ll tell them tomorrow, ok?” you dismiss him, and he’s not happy but gives in following you down onto the bed and wrapping you up in his arms as you curl up against him. You focus on his breathing, only letting yourself cry when you hear the soft sounds of him snoring, you didn’t dare close your eyes again. 

The next morning you’re sitting on the edge of the bed trying to stop your hands shaking, nervously waiting for Steve. Bucky sits beside you that permanent concerned frown on his face, what you would do to see that comforting smile of his right now.

“I’ll be ok.” You lied and he knew it. You couldn’t put it off any longer, you had to tell them what you saw before his memories all twisted into themselves converging with your own. You were already struggling to differentiate real memories from nightmares.

“I’m coming with you.”

“You don’t have to-”

“It’s not up for debate doll,” He gave you a small smile and you hugged him, it wasn’t fair how much you were relying on him, “whatever happens I’ll be here.”

Minutes later you’re following Steve down the corridors and into the observation room, immediately distracted by the wall of screens each one giving a different angle on a sleeping Pietro and his wrecked cell.

“Y/n?” Bucky’s hand on the small of your back breaks your thoughts and you let him guide you into a chair next to his. Tony, Bruce and Steve sit opposite a recording device on the table between you.

“We know it’s bad y/n. Wanda’s still not herself, but we need to know what they did. We can’t keep him sedated forever.” Steve reaches over and takes your shaking hand, you glance up at him with a forced smile.

“They destroyed him.” you say pulling back and resting your hands on your thighs. After what you’ve seen you weren’t sure if there was anything left of Pietro to save, no matter how much you wanted to and you were terrified of their reaction.

Wiping tears away with your sleeve in annoyance, you go through as many memories as you can bear, trying to spare them the most gory details.

“Pietro killed every single person in that base?” Steve asks, head in hands. Tony was silent, chewing on his nails like he did when he was thinking, taking in everything you had told them. Bruce was busy typing, already forming ideas.

“How will he recover from that?”

“He won’t,” Bruce interjects, “not completely, that kind of trauma, it never goes away.” He glances over at Bucky who looks down at his entwined hands, almost shamefully.

“But it can get better, I’ve seen it,” you squeeze Bucky’s hand and he glances up at you, “there has to be a way to help him.”

* * *

More agonizing days pass by, turning into weeks and while Bruce manages to isolate the substance there’s no cure yet. From behind the glass you watched Pietro’s descent as the poison took over his brain. Closing off the rational, thinking part of his mind and amplifying his rage, his fear, his memories of revenge, hurt, betrayal. It worked with his abilities, overriding any drug or suppressant almost as quickly as Bruce injected him.

There was always that torturous split second of hope before he reverted back into madness, taking you back to square one. It was always just a matter of time.

 _Fuck_. You slam your fist into the desk  and Tony pokes his head around the door.

“You should get some rest, y/n, you don’t need to be here for every trial.”

“I can’t rest Tony, and I owe it to Wanda to be here, she needs to know how it’s going - or isn’t.” You gave a bitter laugh, frustration seeming to be the overriding feeling throughout the tower. The constant failures taking a toll on everyone; on the scientists scrambling to find a seemingly impossible solution, on Pietro’s mind and body, on your friendships.

You hated how bad things were with Bucky, he can’t bare to see you punish yourself and you started to argue, bickering over stupid things, something that had never happened between you before.

“We can do that, it doesn’t have to always be you." 

"I’m waiting for the day I can tell her there’s some hope, that he’ll be ok, but I’m afraid that it’s never going to come.” He looks at you with sympathy, but you don’t miss the doubt behind his eyes, the fear, the admission he doesn’t want to make. 

“I promise you I’ll do everything I can ok?”

“I know.” Giving him an appreciative smile you take a last glance into the cell as nurses lie Pietro down again, that desperate ache for him churning your insides. You wanted to hold him, you would do anything just to have him back as he was, without blood and death tainting your memories.

Wanda couldn’t bring herself to face Pietro, as lost inside her head as you were. Still reeling from the realization that her own brother would have killed her without a thought, terrified if she slipped into his mind she’d have to face his memories again.

You knock softly on her door, stepping inside and giving Clint a quick nod when he glanced up from his book. Wanda sat facing away from you and if she noticed your presence, she didn’t acknowledge it. Your heart hammered in your chest that you were here, having to tell her you’d failed to bring her brother back, again.

“Wanda? There was another trial today-”

“They failed again.” she whispered, finally turning her head to face you. Her beautiful skin pale and ashen, her eyes brimming with tears and you were forced to watch more of her heart break before she turned back, her mind returning to who knows where.  

Slipping inside your room you perch on the end of the bed and pick at the sandwich left for you. You know you should eat, know it will be another thing for Bucky to worry about, he was already noticing how much weight you were losing.

You throw the plate against the wall and scream into your pillow, why weren’t you stronger? Why couldn’t you help him? Why were you so fucking useless? You cry yourself to sleep only to wake hours later, screaming from another nightmare, just like every damn night.

A month and a half later things were winding down, you could feel it. Tony, Bruce and their scientists had exhausted every treatment, every drug, every angle they could think of. They were beginning to give up and the pit of dread in your stomach at what would happen when that day came was eating away at you more and more. 

“There’s still no improvement?”

“He’s not responding to anything we have, nothing is stabilizing him long enough…I could go in, try to re-wire his brain but the risk is massive, that substance is almost alive, trying to extract it will probably kill him. Perhaps if Wanda could alter his memories…but she’s trapped in her own world, lost in her grief-." 

"He isn’t dead yet,” You snapped and Bucky shot you a warning glance to calm down, you took a breath, “what if I went in there? There has to be a way to tweak my powers, maybe I can get through to him?”

It wasn’t the first time you’d made the suggestion and you were usually met with a resounding no, until today.

Steve sighed, “I don’t want to put you at risk, y/n, but its one of the only things we haven’t tried." 

"No fucking way.” Bucky growls and slams his fist on the table, you flinch away from him a little.

“It’s ok, Bucky.”

“Okay?! Are you insane?! He’s killed three men since we brought him here - he stabbed you for gods sake! It’s not safe!”

“We’re running out of options, Buck. None of Banner’s antidotes have worked, no one will go in there, it’s the only thing we haven’t tried-” Steve tried to reason with him only making Bucky more furious that Steve would agree to this too.

“She’s not doing it.”

“I’m not asking your permission, Buck.” You cross your arms in defiance and he snaps, his chair slams back as he jumps up, grabbing your arm and pulling you out into the corridor, slamming the door behind him.

“What do you think is gonna happen if you go in there? You’re gonna get yourself killed!”

Bucky slowly backs you up against the wall with every word, towering over you, not just concern blazing in his eyes and you place a hand on his chest stopping him from getting closer. 

“You can’t expect me to let them just give up? They’ll stick him in some ‘secret warehouse’ somewhere and leave him to rot!”

His firm expression doesn’t waver, “You do this, it’s on you. If he attacks you we’ll have to kill him you understand that right? You make one wrong move you’re both dead.”

He starts pacing in front of you leaving you feeling like a scolded teenager. Of course you knew, you weren’t stupid but you wouldn’t let them leave Pietro in some cryo chamber forever, or worse. He deserved better than that, something you thought Bucky understood.

“I have to do this, I have to try-”

“No, you don’t.” He stopped abruptly, swiftly pressing his body against yours, his flesh hand on the base of your neck, the squeeze of metal on your waist keeping you still, his lips pressing onto yours. 

 _What the hell? Where has this come from?_  You couldn’t deny the heat in your belly as his firm body pressed you into the wall, his kiss filled with longing. The contrast of his soft lips and stubble scratching your skin, his hands in your hair, reminding you so much of Pietro’s first stolen kisses with you and you find yourself kissing him back. 

 _You have to stop_ , your mind screamed.

You loved Bucky dearly but not like this, not a kiss borne from anger, it wasn’t right. You break away, both of you breathing heavily and he rests his forehead on yours.

“How many times are you going to let him hurt you? I love you y/n, I won’t let you die because of that asshole.”

 _I love you?_ Oh god. You prayed you misheard him, panic flashes over his eyes as he processes what he’s let slip, blinking back tears. He was so vulnerable, more than you’d ever seen him, even with you. All the emotion drains from his face, withdrawing himself from you, but you know him too well, you didn’t miss the heartbreak flit behind his eyes. 

“Bucky, I-” He holds his hands up to stop you talking, you knew that feeling, that soul crushing dread when you realised the other person didn’t love you back, not the way you wanted and you’d made Bucky feel that.  

“You walk into that room, I’m done. You’re on your own.”

You can’t answer him, you can’t tell him what he wants to hear. 

He lets you go, shaking his head and running his hands through his hair as he turned his back on you. After everything he’d done for you, all those times he’d been there for you, the one time he needed you and you couldn’t help him, couldn’t take away his pain.

“It will always be him, he’ll always come first…I’m sorry doll, I cant do this anymore…” Bucky’s voice was cold, flat and he shrugged you off when you reached out to him, storming away from you without looking back.

“Wait, Buck, please…" 

_Don’t leave me. I can’t do this alone. I need you._


	10. Into Dust

Watching Bucky walk away felt like the only untouched piece of your heart was ripped out of your chest, leaving with him. You had never felt so alone, you’d all but lost the man you loved and now Bucky. You still remember the moment you knew he would be your best friend, him and Steve, when you thought it would be forever.

Steve had been cooking a meal for all the Avengers to introduce you and Bucky permanently into the team. You were beyond nervous, assigned to chopping vegetables while Bucky peeled potatoes. Both of you worked in nervous silence, smiling at Steve pottering around the kitchen. You had gotten used to it just being the three of you and you weren’t sure you could handle all these new people.

There was a loud crash as metal hit tile and Steve stood with his hands on hips staring down at the huge pan of Stew splattered all over the floor and all over his trousers. He was silent a moment, then came out with the foulest words you ever heard pass his lips.

You and Bucky both shouted “Language!” at the same time, holding your hands up when Steve spun around his eyes blazing, and you glanced at each other dying not to laugh.

“It just slipped out!” You snickered and Bucky spluttered into laughter, genuine laughter that lit up his whole face and took you down with him into a fit of giggles.

“Yeah, laugh it up jerks.” Steve grumbled before he caved, joining in and throwing towels at you both to help clean up.

It was such a simple moment, yet you knew you were supposed to be here with them, you felt so at ease, you were home and you didn’t have to pretend anymore.

Now as you watch Steve run down the corridor toward you, all you see is sadness and guilt, fear that you’ll never get that carefree friendship back.

“Where’s Buck? What happened?” Steve grabs your wrist stopping you from running away and you spin around to face him.

“He kissed me.”

“He did what?!”

“He told me he loved me, and I just froze I didn’t know what to say…I don’t know where it came from?“ 

Steve groaned, running his hand through his hair, “Damnit Buck.“ 

“Wait, you knew?! Why didn’t you tell me?!” How long had they been keeping this from you? You pushed on his chest but he held you firmly, letting you take your anger out on him.

“He asked me not to, y/n. You were with Pietro, what good would it do?” You couldn’t really argue with him, at least you had these months with Bucky, if he told you back then would it have gone the same way? “he’ll come around y/n just give him some time. I’ll talk to him when I get back, it’ll be ok.”

“You’re leaving?” You stare up at him distancing yourself from him again.

“We got a lead on the guy that did this, they killed the scientist that created the drug but kept his files.”

Your heart raced at the chance to finally do something,“give me five minutes, I’ll get suited up-”

“No. Y/n,” he pulls you back, holding your arms, “we need you here, not killing yourself getting revenge. We don’t even know if he has the data on him.”

“Steve, I’m coming with you!”

“I’ll update you as much as I can okay? Take this, it’s on our frequency if you need us.” He hands you a com and you fight the urge to throw it back at him, no way were you sitting this one out.

“Steve, you can’t-”

Wanda walks around the corner dressed in her battle gear and you glare at Steve, shrugging out of his hold.  _Are you kidding me?! So Wanda could go but not you?_  Steve knew exactly what you were thinking and you start to say something when Wanda pulls you into a hug, “I can’t help him like you can y/n, stay and help him for me?”

_Don’t worry, when we have the information I_ __will make him suffer and destroy what is left of his brain,_ _ _he’ll re-live his worst fears a thousand times._

Her venomous words snaked their way into your mind a frightening contrast to her almost caring smile, and you stepped away quickly, not doubting she meant every word.

“Bucky will be here if anything goes wrong." 

"No he won’t.”

“Y/n whatever he said, this is Bucky, if your life is in danger he’s not gonna sit back and watch." 

But that’s all you can do as Steve and Wanda make their way to the jet, you want to scream, feeling so useless and angry, you wanted to find the bastard that took Pietro and break his neck, put a bullet right between his eyes.

Wandering around in a angry haze, you find yourself in the doorway of Pietro’s room for the first time since he left all those weeks ago. You couldn’t face it before, now it was all you had left. You lie down in his bed, curling up and pulling his pillow to you, the scent of him long since gone.

Shuffling to the edge of the bed you notice Pietro’s little picture you’d had copied and framed for his birthday still on his desk, dust slightly beginning to obscure the image. You turn it over and over bite your lip, holding in a smile that he’d kept the message to him on the back. Then your stomach flipped when it struck you that this might be the only copy now. Hydra had probably just thrown the original away, like nothing. 

Your fingers drift over the other pictures and you spot the polaroid leaning against the back of the desk. You didn’t know he’d kept this either. The first picture of you, Wanda and Pietro together, taken at Tony’s christmas party. The three of you looked so happy dressed in silly jumpers and hats. Pietro with his arms around both your shoulders, his face turned to you slightly and a light blush dusting your cheeks, a goofy grin on your face.

You would have sworn it was from the alcohol but it was always Pietro. You wished you could remember what he said. Probably some flirty remark to make Wanda roll her eyes, you missed that so much. Fuck, you missed him so much. Your thumb brushed over the image and you felt tears well in your eyes again.

 _Fuck this._  You were sick of being useless, you wanted Pietro back, one way or another you would get that shit out of Pietro’s brain. You fold up the photo, putting it into your pocket and grab the small frame from the desk, only stopping to close the door behind you. 

* * *

Disabling the security cameras you make your way into the lab, grabbing a tranquilizer and typing in Bruce’s password, all those days spent observing you remembered everything by heart. You knew you didn’t have long, Tony or Bruce would be alerted soon so you set the resuscitation into motion, injecting him with the latest antidote on the system and setting the door to lock as soon as you had entered.

"Pietro can you hear me?”

Pietro blurs around you, blue and white energy fills the cell, he knocks into you but doesn’t attack, not yet.

“It’s y/n. Do you remember me?” Pietro skids to a stop right in front of you, his face only inches from yours and you fight the urge to step back, your fingers tightening around the tranquilizer.

“Here again Printessa?” he traces his hand along your jaw and suddenly grabs your throat shoving you against the wall, “I can’t seem to kill you can I?”

As soon as his skin touches yours all your nightmares hit you at once, you start to panic and it takes a moment to regain control of the connection. Pietro loosens his grip on your neck grabbing his head as the jolt of pain hits him. Using the distraction you place your hands either side of his head, repeating the gentle nudge of your powers and forcing him to kneel with you.

You fight your way past his memories, past his power, searching deeper, fighting your way through the darkness. It follows you pulling at your mind trying to force you out. You keep running, chasing the light, dragging yourself through the never ending tunnel as pain travels through every nerve of your body. 

Reaching out your hand closes around the worn metal handle yanking the door open and running through, the tunnel collapsing behind you. Slamming it shut you lean back against the wood catching your breath.

“Mama, tell her she’s stealing my food again!”

The apartment is small and cosy, and you observe the family just sitting down to dinner…Pietro’s family. What is this? 

“Wanda, stop stealing your brother’s dinner!”  A woman strolls past you, ruffling Pietro’s hair as she sets Wanda’s plate down. She’s so close she almost hits you the fabric of her dress brushing your arm and you stumble back a few steps. 

You remember them from his picture and a few of his memories, yet this is so real you could reach out and touch them. His mother was so beautiful, a mixture of Pietro’s blue eyes, Wanda’s wavy auburn hair and kind smile. His father an older version of Pietro, that same mischievous smirk playing on his lips while he watched his wife referee the twins.  

You move through the apartment expecting them to turn and ask who you were, but they couldn’t see you. You step behind his father and notice something that doesn’t belong there, the figure huddled in the corner. It’s too hazy to make out clearly, so you step closer only to be distracted by Pietro making pig noises at Wanda, he was so cute. 

“You’re going to get fat! Like a big fat pig!” He teases and Wanda crosses her arms kicking him under the table.

“Papa! Tell Pietro to be quiet!" 

"Eat your food Pietro!” his father scolds him and they make faces at each other their parents rolling their eyes, they were so sweet, so innocent.

“Thank you papa.”  

“He always takes your side.” Pietro grumbles, sticking his fork in his mashed potatoes and leaning on his hand, pouting. You giggled, even then he had it down to an art form, that pout could get him anything he wanted.

Wanda flicks his ear,“that’s because I’m the best, brother.”

“Pfft, I’m the oldest, that makes me the best!”

“Stop it you two!” Their mother laughs and they all carry on talking and laughing, just enjoying being together, they seemed so happy.

The whole apartment starts to shake, cutlery rattling on the table and an air raid siren starts to wail. Pietro grabs Wanda’s hand and their parents look at each other in panic. 

The bomb hits and you crouch down and cover your ears the boom of the explosion louder than anything you’d ever heard. The floor shakes and crumbles beneath them and his father falls first, pulled down as the ceiling collapses on top of him. He disappears into the smoke with half of the apartment and it feels as though the whole building is coming down around you. 

Pietro’s mother just manages to grab onto the edge of the crater, clutching onto the crumbling concrete as the hole gets bigger, more and more of the floor falling away. 

“Mama!” Pietro screams, scrambling to grab his mother’s hand, bravely trying to keep hold of her. She’s too heavy for him, his feet scraping along the concrete as he slips closer to the edge, "Don’t let go!”

“Pietro, listen to me,” his mother yells back at him,“you have to take care of Wanda now." 

"No, mama, you can’t leave us! I can pull you out!”

"I love you both so much, always keep each other safe.” Her hand slips from his and he screams after her as she falls. Seconds later another bomb hits the building and Pietro grabs Wanda, rolling them both under the bed and covering her body with his. 

The shell crashes through the roof into the rubble, debris hitting Pietro in the back scorching through his clothes and they cough as the smoke settles, both of them staring petrified at the unexploded bomb,  _STARK_  glaring back at them. You collapse to your knees, powerless to stop it and the memory resets, Pietro and his family eating dinner again, the apartment untouched.

How long had he been here? Trapped in this memory, forced to live through it over and over again.

“Don’t make me, I can’t watch it again, not again.” 

The figure comes into view again and you walk through the family, crouching down in front of Pietro, gently placing your hand on his, “Pietro?" He’s shaking, rocking back and forth, pain radiating from him, "I won’t hurt you.”

“You never came for me,” his eyes finally peer over his arms and up to yours and your belly does somersaults, its him. Lost and afraid but it’s Pietro.

“We didn’t know…” you stroke his cheek, your voice breaking and as he leans into your palm the memory starts to stall behind you, flickering in and out, “I’m so sorry…”

"I waited for you, you and Wanda, you never came, you left me here.”

“I’m here now, I’m going to get you out.” Cautiously you wrap your arms around him, just holding him until you feel him relax against you, clinging onto you. 

“You’re real?” he sighs and you nod, too overcome with emotion to reply, “I missed you printessa.”  

“I missed you too.” You breathe out, and smile at the feel of his lips when they brush against yours, that familiar rush of love when he deepens the kiss.

You can feel the darkness inside him and start to pull at it, prying it away from him. As soon as it feels like its working he pulls away and the memory has stopped nothing but black behind you.

“You have to help me, you have to fight it.” You plead with him, he just shakes his head.

“You’re too late, iubire.”

“No, it was working let me-”

“Y/n there isn’t time, it’s just waiting and you’re doing everything it wants you to.”

“What do you mean? What does it want?” He doesn’t answer, just places a kiss to your forehead.

“It was good to see you one last time, printessa.”

“Wait, no, don’t leave me!” You yell, clutching at him, Pietro pushes you away and you fall back into the darkness, his light fading as you descend back through the tunnel, unable to stop yourself this time. Falling through his memories and back into consciousness again.

Muffled explosions and gunfire burst in your ears as you come around, still kneeling and holding Pietro. Praying when he woke you would see him again. Instead cold black eyes stared back at you and your heart turned to dust. The black of his eyes flickered a second, almost as if he felt your despair curiously staring back at you.

Bucky shoots the glass shattering it and you shield your eyes, Pietro throws you across the room, standing up and smirking at Bucky while he tries to shoot him. Of course Pietro is too fast and throws Bucky aside too, running out of the cell. You both clamber to your feet, meeting Buckys angry glare.

“Hydra are here.” He hisses, throwing you a gun.

“Bucky-”

“Don’t say a goddamn word.” He storms away from you and you run after him, grabbing his arm.

“He was in there it was working!”

“I don’t care!” He roared back with such ferocity you flinch away from him, instinctively raising your gun. You quickly lower it, your fear not going unnoticed and making things worse. 

“You just had to save him right? No matter what? It was stupid and reckless! You went in there for  _you_ , y/n, not him and now Hydra’s best weapon is loose in the tower, killing everything in his way.”  

Bucky had never spoken to you like this before, each word was filled with anger and disappointment and for a second hate. What had you done? You’d lost him, for good this time.

You moved to speak and he dismissed you, “don’t bother.” He growled and pushed passed you.

He was right, you were selfish and you played right into Hydra’s hands. 


End file.
